-The Voices Of 2010-

Well here we are. It's the last day of 2009. How was your 2009? What happened to you in 2009? What life changing things did you set out to do? Who's life did you change? How did your life change? What goals did you accomplish? What was the hardest thing about 2009? The funnest? The most painful? Seriously, what do you remember about 2009?

If you're like most people, you don't remember much about the last year of your life. Sure there are some events that will stand out to you. Maybe even some that you will remember for the rest of your life. But for the most part, you won't remember much about this, or sadly, any other year of your life. It's not fun to come to this conclusion. But if we're honest with one another, we can all admit that it's true. Our lives simply aren't memorable.

Thats the great thing about New Year's. We get a chance to start over. For one day every year we look ahead with extreme optimism about our lives. Anything is possible. We make resolutions and declarations that THIS year, THIS time we will be different. Our lives will be better. They will be the way they should. WE will be the people we've always known we could be. Starting NOW.

But then we get back to work or school or just to our regular lives and something happens. Our lives get in the way our lives. The mundane and routine take over, reminding us that we are still the same people we were yesterday. We still have the same struggles as we did yesterday. We still have the same problems, the same personality, the same flaws, the same... well, the same everything. We come face to face with realization that who we are and what we have hasn't changed with the new year.

This is when we usually make a fatal mistake. We give up. We listen to the voices in our head that tell us we were being overly optamistic about what we capable of. We let them convince us that we were just being sentimental about the New Year and made some unrealistic resolutions. We let them convince us that we really can' be THAT good. That our lives can't really get THAT much better. And so we settle back into who we have always been. Because we believed the voices. We believed the lie.

This year I hope you will stand with me and shut the voices that tell you these lies up. This year I hope you will the voice of your Creator. The voice that says you are more than a conqueror. The voice that says you are beautifuly and wonderfully created. The voice that says you are worth dying for. The voice that says He wants to give you an abundant, significant life. The voice that says you can do all things through Him. THAT is voice we must listen to. But it won't be easy.

You see that voice is said to be "still" and "small." And a still, small voice is difficult to hear over the boisterous lies that plague our inner thoughts. But we must hear it. We must remind ourselves that it is there. That we must silence the loudness of the everyone and everything else. That we know those voices are telling us lies because when you don't have anything of merrit to say all you can do is shout. It's the quiet, humble voices that are worth listening to. The ones that don't INSIST on being heard are usually the only ones worth hearing. Listen for those voices with me this year. Those one want us to be the people we know we can be. Lets listen to them. Lets listen to Him.

-Money Blog Part 4: Tithing vs. Giving-

Churches and church leaders have gotten a bad reputation over the last few decades when it comes to teaching or even mentioning the practice of giving to the church. Much of this reputation has been earned by a only hand full of "christian preachers" who were basically caught stealing from people. I mean, the was more to it than that but when you break it all down, that's what they were doing. So because of these hand full of people, pastors and teacher and church leaders with genuine hearts and motives have been hamstrung when it comes to talking about giving money to the church. People come in already jaded because of the now defunct "preachers" they've heard about on the news and are hypersensitive to ANY church leader talking about giving. This has led to pastors and church leaders being over-paranoid about talking about giving and the topic has been basically ignored in many churches in our culture out of fear of being labeled "all about money." That being said, today I want to talk about giving to your church.

One of our biggest problems as a Church (when I say "the Church" I am talking about ALL the Christian churches everywhere not just MY church) when it comes to giving is that, just like everything else, we can't agree on it. Some churches take up and offering, others don't. Some churches teach to give a specific amount, others teach to give "whatever God puts on your heart." Most churches, however, teach the biblical principle called "tithing." Tithing is simple. It simply means that you give 10% of your income to your church and this is the practice that I, personally believe is a great start.

Many from with the Church argue about the practice of tithing. They have "theological" points to show how we don't really have to tithe anymore. And if 9 out of 10 of these people had this view out of a desire to give and love then I'd be totally okay with it. However most of the people I've heard use these types of arguments seem to o it in order to absolve them of guilt for not actually giving to the church at all. Lets talk about some of the common arguments against tithing that are heard, shall we?

One argument I hear a lot is, "Tithing isn't really talked about in the New Testament." This is a pretty ignorant point to try to make. we have to remember WHO wrote the New Testament; Jews. Jewish people who believe in Jesus were the ones God used to pen the words of the New Testament. And when they devoted their lives to Jesus they didn't STOP being Jewish. They continued to practice Jewish Law. In fact, many of them we emphatic about it. So they wouldn't HAVE to mention tithing. It was simply assumed as a normal practice. Beyond that, what happens if we decide to use the New Testament as our only guide? In the gospel we see Jesus telling a man to sell everything he has and give it to the poor. Later in the book of Acts it says that all the believers sold their possessions and had "everything in common." So if you want to use strictly a "New Testament pattern" you'd better be prepared to give 100% because that is what the New Testament describes... and more than once.

I also hear a lot that the practice of tithing is a part of "the Law" of the Old testament and the the New Testament says we're not under the Law anymore. Okay, yes tithing is described in what we call "Levitical Law," meaning it is found in the Old Testament book of Leviticus which lays out much of the Law the Jews were to live by. But what many people don't realize is that by that time, tithing wasn't new. If you read Genesis, God asks Abraham to tithe. Abraham passes this practice on and we see his grandson, Jacob, committing to giving a tenth of all he has to God as well. Leviticus is simply making the practice "official," but it existed LONG before Moses gave the Jewish people "the Law." So the practice of tithing actually precedes even the 10 Commandments.

I also hear about how Jesus didn't talk about tithing and that we never read about Him actually practicing it himself. Once again this is an ignorant argument because Jesus was also Jewish. In fact, Jesus followed the spirit of the Law better than anyone else. He was a Jewish rabbi, living in a Jewish country, teaching Jewish people to live the Jewish way. Once again, they wouldn't need to mention Jesus tithed because it would have been assumed by virtue of His culture. It also doesn't say He ever went to the bathroom, or blinked, or laughed, got cold. So are we assume those things never happened too? Beyond that Jesus DOES mention tithing in Matthew 23:23. He affirms that the Pharisees have tithed but ignored things like mercy and justice. Bet then Jesus goes on to tell them that they should, indeed, have been tithing without ignoring mercy and justice. So, apparently Jesus is actually pro-tithing. Which really shouldn't surprise anyone because, once again, He was Jewish!

Finally I want to make it clear that I believe wholeheartedly in tithing not because I want or need your money, but because our money is usually one of the last things we're willing to let go of and trust God with. Because He's not really God unless He's the God of everything. Even our money. Sadly, in most churches today 15-20% of the people pay 95% of the bills. If everyone in our churches began tithing, many churches would know what to do with all the money. It would open whole new possibilities for the church to contribute to the lives of others. I think that it could be amazing. I also believe something else about tithing. I believe it's simply a starting point. I think 10% is a good place to begin but not to end. And I think that if you began to tithe and experience the joy of giving to God obediently you'll actually get greedy for giving. Try it. I dare you. Prove me wrong.

-Money Blog Part 3: Value vs. Cost-

Not long ago, in a galaxy not so far from here, an organization conducted a study about income in Americans. It asked several questions of people about money and income and budgeting. I wish i could remember details of the survey but unfortunately most of it has slipped my memory. The one thing that has stuck with me however, was what they reported about their findings as it related to how much income was "enough."

The reports said that in their findings, the majority of those surveyed indicated that "enough" income was about 10% more than they were currently bringing home; REGARDLESS of their current income level. This means that the person making $20K a year thought that if they could just make 10% more they would have enough. It also means that the person making $250K a year thought the exact same thing. 10% more and they would finally be making enough. But would it really be "enough"?

I'm persuaded that it's never "enough." That for some reason we are conditioned in our culture to never be content with what we have but to always want and even need more. Even to the point to where we allow our happiness depend on it. We are conditioned in this culture to want to attain a certain level of wealth and we think when we do attain it that we will finally be content. But it's just not true. Because it seems that we are wired to always think we need just a little more.

The problem with this mode of thought is that it cares more about the value of money than it does the cost of it. Getting more money will always cost us something. To some, it can cost time with their family. To others it will cost a piece of their integrity. To some it will cost them their mental and sometimes physical health. And still to others who take it to an extreme it will cost them their freedom. And the more value we place on money, the higher the cost. You'll know how important money is to someone when you get a peak and what they are willing to do and say and become in order to get more of it. This is not how we were designed. when we were designed, money did not exist.

But money does, in fact, exist today so we cannot simply ignore it. But we also must always keep it in perspective. If we don't we will always lose something while trying to resolve our monetary concerns. Too often monetary wealth leads to spiritual poverty. Along that same line, often times monetary poverty can lead to spiritual wealth. It's been my experience that the people who have the least are much happier to share what they DO have where as those who have the most tend to be much less generous unless they stand to gain something from it, (i.e a tax write-off). And that isn't really generosity is it?

So how do we resolve this. Do we say, "To hell with money!" and forget about it? No, I think that would be a waste of an opportunity. Again, money exists in our world and we can't ignore it. But what we can do is change the way we think about it. As Paul writes, we need to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. (Romans 12:2) We need to think of money as an opportunity not an obtainment. I'm not suggesting we stop trying to make more money. I'm simply saying that when we DO, we use it in ways that place the proper value on it. We must learn to use our money to serve God's purposes rather that using ourselves to serve money. Don't make the point of money become about "having more," make the point about USING MORE. Use your money to invest in love, in your family, in yourself, in people. Use it as a means and not and end. And always, always make sure the cost is never greater than the value.

-Money Blog Part 2: Jesus vs. Being a "Good Steward"-

What to do with our money has been argued about by Christians for centuries. How we should we handle it? Is tithing really a New Testament practice? Should I give money to the homeless guy even though he may use it to buy drugs or alcohol? Some Christians have taught that God wants us all to be rich. Others have taught that God would prefer it if we were all poor. Many people have had money essentially stolen from them in the name of Jesus. I mean, lets face it, when it comes to money, us Christians are a strangely confused bunch.

The rise of the Evangelical movement has brought us to an interesting place when it comes to money. It has brought us to the era of the "good steward." God wants us all to be "good stewards" of our money. We should not be frivolous. We should live within our means. We should save some money for the proverbial rainy day. And these are all great things. Except that being a "good steward" has turned into so much more than just that. Lately, being a good steward has just been a tool to prop up the evangelical "Republican" ideals rather than a tool to preserve the church and the individual from financial trauma.

Now, don't get all freaky on me for throwing the words "evangelical" and "Republican" in there. I myself could be identified by both of those terms in one way or another so believe me when I say I am NOT showing any bias. But I have too often heard that people don't give money to the homeless guy because he may use it to buy drugs and that would mean that they were contributing to his sin and that's not being a good steward of their money. Somehow I think that's just an excuse to NOT give money but rather to keep it for yourself. Besides, you can't be a good "steward" of something that is yours. By definition, a steward is a caretaker of SOMEONE ELSE'S property. So being a good steward means realizing that it's not even YOUR money to begin with. I think Jesus was a great example of this, (no surprise there).

In any Biblical account when Jesus is questioned about money or talks about money, his attitude toward it is always much less arbitrary than ours seems to be. "Give it to Cesar. Give it to the poor. Pay the Temple tax. Here Judas, you be in charge of the money people give us." It seems that when it comes to money, Jesus is a horrible steward by today's "Christian" standard. But wait, He's Jesus. He's our example. He's a living, breathing, flesh and blood example of what it means to live according to God's Word. In fact He IS the word in flesh according to John 1:14. So how can we resolve this "Christian paradox" that Jesus was and is perfect and yet by our standards He was awful with money? It's simple really. We have to pick a side. Do it Jesus' way, or do it the "Christian" way.

Look, I'm not saying you shouldn't use your money wisely and I'm not saying you should just give it all away willy-nilly like. But if you REALLY want to be a "good steward" then you should emulate the ATTITUDE that Jesus had toward it. It is merely a tool. It isn't even near the top of the list of things we should "demonstrate" as Christians. Savvy investing or a high net-worth isn't one of the fruits of the spirit listed in Galatians 5. So what was Jesus' attitude? "...From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded..."(Luke 12:48) If you have been blessed with money, then God will demand that you use it in such a way that you are a blessing to others. Why? Because that is what we are ALL called to be. A blessing to others. Others. Others. Others. That is what Jesus was about. Others. That is what He died for. Others. That is who he asked us to reach out to. Others. That is who he tells us to put first. Others. And that is what being a good steward is about. Others.

-Money Blog Part 1: Currency vs. Character-

Even if you don't believe anything else the Bible says one thing that is hard to argue with is 1st Timothy 6:10 which tells us, "For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil..." Take it from someone who worked in bank branches in Orange County, CA (a region where you can find one of the most concentrated groupings of wealth on the planet), for almost a decade. Loving money can cause problems. I once listened to a brother and sister argue in front of me for 20 minutes about who should get the extra 1 CENT from their recently deceased mother's savings account because it wouldn't split evenly into 2 parts. There's something wrong there. Something terribly, terribly wrong.

I think one of the biggest problems happens when we assign value to money. If you're thinking, "What are you talking about John? Money already has a value. We don't assign it one," that's not at all what I mean. What I mean is the value we allow our money to give us. I'll explain. Often times in our culture, we equate someone's value as a person with their affluence. The car they drive, the area of town their house is in, the places they eat, the clothing they wear. These are all ways in which we gage someone's wealth and, in turn, gage their value. That is a problem in it's own right but it leads to an even bigger problem. Comparison.

We begin to compare what we have with what others have. Is my car as nice as theirs? My clothes? My home? But comparisons like these are actually a double-edged sword. We can't win. If someone else's "stuff" is better than ours then we feel inferior. It their "stuff" isn't seemingly as nice we feel superior to them. either way we are basing not only their value as a human on their money, but also OUR value. Then it becomes about being "as good as" someone else. So rather than basing our value on what we ARE, we base it on what we HAVE. When this happens, money becomes more than just currency, it becomes our character.

We, as individuals, must make conscious decisions to end this mentality. We must stop confusing our self-worth with our net-worth. Until we do, we won't have our money, it will have us. We must remember that money and "stuff" is not the goal itself but simply a tool we can use to help us achieve our goals. Because when our goals in life revolve around the accumulation of cash and "stuff" then in the end, we have done nothing with significance. We have simply hoarded and taken and allowed our currency to be more important that our character.

-Jesus Blog Part 4: A Life of Significance-

One of things I hate the most is when Christians have a "transaction mentality" of the life, death and resurrection of Jesus. What I mean by this is when they see their faith as a transaction with God. They say, "Okay God, I'll believe in you and accept Your Son and in return, when I die, You'll let me into heaven." Of course this isn't usually a conscious thought. Usually it's just totally normal because that's how faith seems to work in Western Christianity, (western word not west coast). We put in our time at church and try to play by the rules and in the end we avoid hell. Yay for us. And what makes it even more difficult is that this is really the only kind of faith people know. So, well meaning people who really do love God simply live their lives the way they're told they're supposed to.

But providing us an opportunity to go to heaven when we die is not what Jesus lived, died, and resurrected for. It is simply a fruit of what he actually came to do. Jesus' life was about the restoration of all things. He came to seek and save that which was lost (Luke 19:10) and by save he didn't mean simply saving us from hell. He meant saving us from ourselves. Saving us from our own attitudes and our own perceptions of how life should be lived. He talked a great deal about loving the unloved and caring for those who couldn't care for themselves. He discussed at great length the idea that forgiveness and reconciliation are much better than living with grudges and bitterness. He talked about loving God, loving others and, yes, even insinuated that you should love yourself. He got frustrated when those closest to Him stopped believing in themselves because He believed in them.

You see, Jesus also said that He came to give us " a rich and satisfying life," (John 10:10). I think we like to quote this verse but then we forget it. Jesus gives me a better life NOW. Not just when I die. And he didn't mean a life of wealth. He meant a life of significance. A life that has an impact on the world around it. A life that He doesn't just pour into, but a life he also pours out of. This is the life that Jesus came to give. Here. Now. At this time. In this place.

So yes, Jesus came to give an opportunity to go to heaven. But He came for so much more. And when we fail to recognize and respond to that we rob the gospel of all it actually offers us. We lose a great deal of value in our lives when we think of it as an "after-death" arrangement. And we tear away a significant amount of Jesus' sacrifice when we don't let it infiltrate our whole life.

A life of significance. That is what Jesus offers. Not just a ticket to heaven. And until each of decides to grab hold of the life Jesus extends to us, we will continue to rob the gospel of all of it's weight and meaning. And unless we begin exploring the life of significance Jesus offers, we will redeem our ticket to heaven only to find that when we get there, it's not as full as it would have been had we taken Jesus up on his offer. A life of significance. Jesus had one. Jesus came to give you one. Will you accept it?

-Jesus Blog Part 3: Love & Insecurity-

I'm a people-pleaser. Like most pastors, I am wildly insecure, (though few will admit how deep their insecurity runs). So I work and work and work and try to make sure that people love and accept me. I try to be funny and entertaining and supportive and empathetic and charismatic and talented and I'm really good at making it appear as if I have my crap together. Because I want people to like me. To accept me. To trust me. To love me. Is that so bad?

As I look at Jesus and read about His life I discover that he wanted those things too. Jesus wanted to be liked, and accepted and trusted and loved and He still does today. In fact the entire premise of the Gospel hinges on the idea that we love, accept and trust Jesus. So I have to conclude that my longing for that same love and acceptance is okay. It's okay that I want, desperately, for people to admire and love me for who I am. It's also okay that you want that. Now, before you get all agitated with me for making assumptions about YOUR insecurity and need to be loved lets just be honest here. You are human and therefore I CAN make that assumption.

You see, I believe we were created by God. I don't presume to know His methods or understand how it all happened or worked but I believe with everything in me that God, in some way, created the universe and then us. I also believe that when God created us, He created us in His image. This means we were instilled with the same thoughts and feelings as Him. It means that we have been wired to share some of the attributed of our Creator. It's like He signed us as a painter would his masterpiece. And so when I look and see that our Creator has a need and longing to be loved and accepted then it is easy for me to see why we, His masterpiece that bears His signature, also have those same needs. The difference between God and us however, is how we handle or desire for love.

I look at the life of Jesus and see it as God's way of literally stepping into our shoes. In Jesus, God takes away our ability say, "But You don't know how it feels." because He DOES know. And in reality, He always has known but we needed the extra evidence of Him actually becoming human. But as I examine Jesus' life and I see that He had the same need for love and acceptance as me, I also find that HIS need for those things manifested in much different ways. Jesus responds to the human condition not by hoarding love but by giving it out generously.

It's as if Jesus is showing us that we are misunderstanding our own need for love. That we have tainted our original design. That our need for love isn't that we receive it as much as it is that we give it away. And that through the acts of giving our love and acceptance to others, it will somehow find it's way back to us. Jesus was NOT like me. He was NOT a people-pleaser. His energies weren't spent so much on being loved and accepted but rather, on loving and accepting others recklessly. I wonder what it would be like if I did this. How much good could I do in this world if I took all the time and energy I put into being loved and accepted and, instead, put it into loving and accepting others? This is what Jesus SHOWS me I can do. This is why Jesus died willingly rather than fighting it. To show us that real love will go the whole way. Real love isn't the kind you long to receive, but the kind you long to give. And I want to start loving like that.

-Jesus Blog Part 2: Jesus Ate Kosher-

I think that movies mess us up when it comes to our perception of Jesus. In most movies I've seen that portray Him, Jesus has long hair (sometimes blond), a beard, blue eyes, and is in pretty good shape. He wears Birkenstocks, and a white "dress" with either or red or blue sash around it. Seriously, we portray Jesus as a 1st Century metro-sexual. In some of the movies He's even wearing guy-liner.

But that's not really how Jesus would have looked. I mean, He would have had a beard, sure, but that's where most of the similarities end. The idea that He had long hair is highly debatable, I promise his hair was dark and there is no way He had blue eyes. (The only way we can argue that point is by alluding to the fact that maybe "his Dad has blue eyes." But that's a scary discussion in of itself.) His clothing would have typical for the day too. So, not likely white and no "sash" around him; just a tunic. Oh and He wasn't white. Caucasian Jesus is a myth. This comparison may freak some people out, but Jesus probably looked more like Osama bin Laden than he does our own mental depictions of him. Because what we often forget here in the west is that Jesus wasn't a Christian, He was a Jew.

Now, the idea of a Jewish Jesus really doesn't surprise anyone. We "know" He was Jewish. But do we really? Do we even know what that means? As a 1st Century Jew, Jesus' life and upbringing would have revolved around the Torah, (1st 5 Books of the Old Testament). We see Him at 12 years old going to Jerusalem for the Passover, the New Testament talks about Pentecost (the Jewish feast, not the "christian" version of it), and even what we call "The Last Supper" takes place in the context of a Jewish Passover meal. Jesus was a Jew. He lived in a Jewish region of a Jewish country, was raised by Jewish parents, celebrated Jewish holidays, learned Jewish tradition, spoke Hebrew as well as Aramaic, and ate Kosher.

The reason this is important is because as Western Christians, I feel like we have lost some of the richness of Jesus' words and life because we view them OUTSIDE of His cultural lens. As a church, Christianity has stepped away from our parent faith, Judaism. We've become like the 18-20 year old who just moved out of his parents house and is trying to be independent. But in declaring our independence we are only robbing OURSELVES of our full and rich family history. WE are the ones missing out. But in our arrogance we fail to recognize it. We miss the truth that if i really, truly want to learn about Jesus and the things He said, then I must also be a student of Judaism. I must try to see the Torah the way he did. I must try to understand the importance of those Jewish feasts. If I want Jesus to invade my world fully, I must also be willing to invade His world.

I'm not saying we should all put on a yamaka and start spinning a dradle. I'm not saying we all need to convert to Judaism or start saying, "Oy Vey!" I am simply saying that if we want to know Jesus the way we say we do, we need to learn about the faith and religion that He practiced. Otherwise, we're not really getting to know the real Him. I think my own life, (and quite possibly yours), is proof of this. It would be impossible to really know me if you tried to understand me OUTSIDE of my faith and religion. Because every single part of my life is penetrated and influenced by my spiritual beliefs and faith. So if you removed all the "Christian undertones" from my life, you wouldn't be left with much to get to know. Jesus is the same. By trying to know Him OUTSIDE of His Jewishness, we are left with only a shell of who and what He really is. So, hey, lets get together for some good kosher and learn more about what Jesus was like.

-Jesus Blog Part 1: "Me Too"

Sometimes I think we, as Christians, really dehumanize Jesus. I think we get so over-zealous about ensuring His place in the Trinity that we make him out to be super-human. We imagine Jesus as someone who always knew exactly what to say and what to do in any situation. we imagine Him with a certain strut or swagger about Him that exuded confidence because, we think, "He knew who He was." But I think we miss out on so much of Jesus when we do this. Now let me make it clear, I believe that Jesus is God in the flesh and i believe that He knew who He was. But the fact is that Jesus was and is a man. During His life on Earth I believe he was just as susceptible to human emotion and yes, even insecurity.

The bible tells us then when Jesus took on a human form that He became, "a little lower than the angels." (Hebrews 2) It also tells us that He was profoundly hansom or attractive that we should be drawn to Him in any way. (Isaiah 53) Jesus was a child as well. We know He grew up with human parents, had brothers and sisters and went to school. So for me, it is safe to conclude that for all intents and purposes, Jesus dealt with the same range of feelings and emotions and hurt and joy and struggle and that we do. But what convinces me most that this is true is what I hear in His voice when I read those red lettered words.

I think often times when we read the Bible we read it as a text book. It's a book that has information that we need to learn in order to improve out lives or so we know the right things to say and do so we can go to heaven when we die. This is probably due to some of the language we use. We talk about "studying" the Bible. We call it "Text." We refer to it as our "Instruction Manual for Life." Our "Study" Bibles contain "footnotes" and "glossories" and "dictionaries." We have inundated ourselves with the idea the the Bible is a very important text book. But we have forgotten that it is also a story. A narative. With history and songs and poetry and passion and agony. Lately, I have begun reading the words of Jesus like this. And I am finding a whole new side of Jesus that I wish I knew before.

Listen to this short passage; "From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him. "You do not want to leave too, do you?" Jesus asked the Twelve." (John 6:66-67) When I read the question Jesus asked the twelve I hear in Jesus' voice a very sad, hurt and even insecure tone. "You do not want to leave too, do you?" Can you hear the angst? The anxiety? I hear in Jesus' voice a man who is desperate to be accepted because He knows what it means. A man who hopes and prays that He is saying the right words and doing the right things. A man who has just been deserted by many of His "friends" and is asking other if they are going to bail on Him too. "You don't want to leave too, do you?" It feels like a plea that they not leave Him alone. Because Jesus doesn't want to be alone.

I get like that too. I'm desperate to be accepted. I hope and pray that I say the right words and do the right things. I don't want to be alone. And I feel a little better knowing that Jesus, the SON OF GOD, felt some of the same insecurities I do. To know that that He can feel my turmoil within because He has been there. He has felt it. He knows exactly...what...I'm going through. And I find it comforting to know that Jesus can say to someone like me, "Me too, John. Me too."

-Letters To Myself Part 4: Dear Death-Bed John-

Dear Death-Bed John (Date: Unknown)

So you're pretty much done huh? I mean, I've always mentioned how when any of us wakes up another day it's because God isn't finished working on us or through us yet. So He must be done with you now. What's that like? Do you feel satisfied with the life you've lived? Do you feel like you can say that you have "fought the good fight"? Did the things you've done have a purpose other than self-preservation? Did you have an impact on the world around you? Because fighting the good fight takes work. Fighting the good fight takes energy. And most of all, fighting the good fight takes "goodness." I wonder how much goodness you demonstrated. We're all fighting for something during our lives. I hope you chose to fight for goodness and love and people your whole life. Because the good fight is worth fighting. And you can only fight it with good deeds and good work. Not with anger or violence or ignorance. I hope you fought the good fight, John.

I also hope you can say that you have "kept the faith." And I'm not talking about the kind of faith that just made sure you were in church every Sunday. But the kind of faith that James writes about. The kind of faith that demands action. I guess that's really the only kind of faith that there is when you think about it. Faith that doesn't inspire you to move isn't really faith at all is it? It's just a set of phrases and proverbs and religious sounding chatter that make us sound deeper and more profound than we really are. Because if we really do believe the things we say we believe then it should come pouring out of our lives. It should influence and affect every decision we make. We can't claim to be an environmentalist and drive a Hummer. Likewise we can't claim to have faith in Jesus and his teachings and still hate people. At the core of the life of Jesus is the unwavering belief that people are worth dying for. Part of me hopes that's the reason you're on your "death-bed." That you're giving you life for a person or people. Did you keep the faith, John?

Finally John, I hope that you "finished the race." I hope you didn't give up and walk off the track before you got to the finish line. The race is exhausting, I know. I'm still running it. But I have to believe that in the end, when I cross the finish line, all the effort will be worth it. The race is long true, but it's the only one worth running. And I never have to run alone. I wonder if you ever took off on your own. I know it's a long race and sometimes it seems like it would be so nice to just sit in the shade and watch the other runners. But both of us know that if we did that we would always wonder what it would feel like to cross that finish line. We weren't born to be spectators. We were born to run. So I hope you finished the race, John. I hope you know what it feels like to cross the finish line. I'd ask what it does feel like but even if i did you wouldn't be able to describe it. So if you'll excuse me John, I have a race to run. And I think I just got my second wind. See you at the finish line John.

Truly,

-John Hall (Age 31)

P.S.

No one was born to be a spectator. We were all born to run. So I hope you inspired and encouraged others to run the race with you. Because the race is easier when others are there running along side of you. I hope we cross the finish line knowing that people are running because of us.

-Letters To Myself Part 3: Dear 40 Year Old John-

Dear 40 Year Old John, (March 30, 2018)

I wonder about you a lot. It seems sometimes that I'll never actually be where you are but I know that it's inevitable. Time always seems to move slower when you're looking forward than it does when you're looking back. So no matter how far off you "seem" to be, I know that, baring some accident that takes my life, I will, quite literally, be in your shoes. And so I wonder about you.

What are you doing? Are you still an associate level pastor? Did you make the jump to a Lead Pastor role yet? Are you even in a pastoral position at all? Have you written a book yet? There are so many things I wish you could tell me about the plans and vision I have today for my life tomorrow. Am I living a life of significance? Am I helping change the world by changing lives one at a time? Am I being the inspiration that I want to be that pushes others to make a difference too? What have I done right? I have so many insecurities about becoming you that it is overwhelming sometimes. If I could just talk to you. Listen to you. Get your advice. Sadly, I don't think it would change much would it? I'd still have all my insecurities. I'd still wonder about the man I am becoming. Even if I could talk to you, I'd still be me. And if being me isn't good enough without talking to you, then neither will it be good enough if I could. So maybe the best I can do is to take the steps now to ensure that just being me IS good enough. And maybe by the time I'm you, I'll be proud of the man I am becoming.

What kind of friend are you John? Do people trust you? And if they do, do you really deserve their trust? Do you put your own agenda aside for others? Do you make people feel loved and valued and important? Or have you given up that pursuit? I fear that a lot. That over time I'll slip back into being the critical cynic that I have fought so hard to subdue. He's always there you know. Wanting to come pouring out me and point out all of the the flaws of everyone and everything around me. But I don't want to be him. He pretends to love people but refuses to accept them for the wonderful and amazing people that they ALREADY are. I hate him. Have you overcome him? Have you finally beaten him out of existence? I hope so. Because people mean too much to be ridiculed and judged into believing they aren't good enough. But you're probably still fighting him off too. Like I said: he's always there. I hope you haven't become him again. I pray we are pushing him farther and father from us. I don't want to become him again. So I'll keep fighting for people. To love them. To accept them. To welcome them the way Jesus did and still does. And maybe, by the time I'm you, he'll be gone.

What about your family John? Are you good enough for Krissy yet? Do you deserve her yet? Probably not. Even if you have grown as much as I hope you have since you were me, you'll have a long way to go. She's always been out of your league though. You know that as well as I do. But I hope we've never stopped trying to be the man she deserves us to be. And what about your kids? Felicia turns 15 in a few months from where you are. That means boys re alive and kickin' in her life and that hormones are a daily part of life. Have you taught her to have high standards? Have you treated her in such a way that she will always expect the best from any guy that comes in her field of vision? Does she know by the way that you treat her and her mother that she should expect nothing less than someone who would lay down his life for her? Have you made her feel valuable and loved and respected? Because that's what I want for my little girl. I hope you've done your job with her. And likewise, what have you demonstrated to Ian? Have you acted like the man you hope he becomes? A man of strength and patience and love and responsibility. Have you taught him self-control? Have you given him confidence in who God has made him to be? I hope you have taken your responsibility to him seriously. And I hope you can still make them all laugh and smile and help them to love life. But there is no way for me to know what you do. So, I'll love my family in real, tangible, expressible ways now. And maybe, by the time I'm you, they will know how much they fill my life with joy.

So I guess it doesn't matter what you would say to me does it John? Because it's up to me to take the right steps and do the right things here... now... today. And then to wake up tomorrow and chose to do it again. And you simply can't help me do that. I have to do it. It's up to me to make sure that you turn out to be the man I hope you are. So today I make a promise to you John. I'll try. With everything that is in me I will try to make the choices today that will ensure you become the best man you can be. I can't promise perfection. I'll most certainly make some bad, wrong and even selfish choices. But I promise that I'll try. And maybe, just maybe, by the time I'm you, I will have begun to leave my mark upon this world. And it will be a better place because I am in it. Maybe...

Truly,

-John Hall (Age 31)

P.S.

This is the hardest, most deeply personal thing I've ever written. I hope it means as much to you as is has to me. God speed John. Never forget the man you hope to one day be and never stop trying to become him.

-Letters To Myself Part 2: Dear 25 Year Old John-

Dear 25 Year Old John (March 30, 2003),

It doesn't seem like that long that I was you, but so much is going to happen to you over the next few years that you won't know how you managed to navigate through it all. You will mature more over the next five or so years than you did in the previous 15 combined. So buckle up and put your helmet on because life isn't the "roller coaster" it's been made out to be, it's more like the bumper cars.

You got married about a year and a half ago and that has worked out quite well for you hasn't it? But you're still learning to be unselfish aren't you? It's not easy but you're finally starting now to understand that in marriage you can't think in terms of "me" but always in terms of "we." Continue to cultivate this attitude. It will be invaluable to the success of your marriage. You've also set some good ground rules with Krissy that will serve you well for the upcoming years. The "veto" rule was good. Giving your spouse the power to tell you you're not allowed to do something and knowing that they have given you that same authority shows a tremendous amount of trust and respect. You were also wise to agree to never let an argument cause you to spend the night under different roofs. These simple things have proven to strengthen your marriage like nothing else could. You love and respect and trust Krissy and she does the same for you. This will only continue to grow over the years causing you two to become closer than you knew was possible and you will have the ability to talk about anything without fear. Ultimately, you will realize that what you were suspicious of all along is, in fact, true: she is way too good for you. Fortunately, for you, she loves you anyway.

You're also just a few months away from being a father for the first time. Now, I won't ruin it by telling you if it's a boy or a girl but I want to prepare for a few things. Holding your child for the first time is going to wreak havoc on your equilibrium. Never will you feel so important yet so insignificant at the same time. Nothing will inspire you to be the best you can possibly be like this event will. You fell in love with Krissy over time. You got to know her. You got to know about her. You interacted with her and came to appreciate her personality and uniqueness and it has grown into a deep sense of love and devotion that could never be replaced. But it happened over time. When you hold your child for the first time, all of that love an devotion is going to come crashing down on you in a matter of nanoseconds. You WILL be overwhelmed by it. But even as i type this i know my words aren't even a fraction adequate enough to prepare you. So, good luck. As for the actual birth part, you're about to see Krissy in a whole new way that will simply add to your knowledge of how amazing she is.

Professionally John, you've got a long way to go. You're still cocky and think you know it all. But an off the cuff comment from Billy Phipps is going to snap you back into focus. He won't know it when he says it because he wasn't even really talking to you or even about you; but will be a ginormous, (that word will be added to the dictionary in 2008), wake-up call and you will never forget that moment. Right now you are learning to always be learning and that is good. But in a few years a book recommendation, (once again Billy Phipps will play a major role), will altar how you see the church, the world, people, politics, ministry, and relationships. It will set you on a path of learning and growth that take you to new heights and help you combine your intellect with your spirituality. This step is a major turning point for you.

Introspectively you will really start to come into your own. You will be filled with ideas and dreams and visions for amazing things. When you don't make them all real it will be taxing for you. It will even hurt. But you will press on and find more and more creativity hiding just beneath the surface. It's there for the taking but there will be obstacles in finding it. Pride and self-centeredness will always be a struggle for you. You will have to come to terms with this or you will never be able to grow. This won't be easy for you but I hope that in the long run, growth will be more important to you than always being right. Keep learning and keep loving because if you don't there will be no reason to keep living. You're becoming a grown-up now John. It's time to put away childish things. There is more to you than your sarcastic fun-loving exterior. There is depth. There is the ability to affect people on a deeply personal and spiritual level. Dig deep John. Find it. Bring it out. Make a difference. It's up to you.

Truly,

-John Hall (age 31)

P.S.

I didn't mention your trips to the Philippines and Fiji that will shatter your life into a million pieces. You will see things that will rock your world. They will bring you to tears and to your knees. Breathe in these experiences. They will help you understand your role in this world.

-Letters To Myself Part 1: Dear 18 Year Old John-

Dear 18 Year Old John (March 30, 1996),

First off, wipe that stupid "I know more than you do" look off your face because it makes you look like an idiot. This, "know it all" thing is really going to cause problems for you later. It's good that you have identified your gifts and calling and that you did it at a young age but you have failed to identify your shortcomings and weaknesses. This has made you believe you are better than you really are, (hence that stupid smile on your face). But what's worse than that, John, is that you tend to judge other people's weaknesses on your strengths. You expect more out of people than you yourself are willing to give. When you're a little older, you're going to wish you learned how to love people for who they are much sooner. You still struggle with this into your early 30's at least.

Humility doesn't come naturally to you, John. That means you actually have to work at it. The last thing the world needs is another arrogant pastor with a "holier than thou art" attitude and that's what you're well on your way to becoming. (Sorry, the Christian rock-star thing isn't going to work out.) John, the good news is that you have the "Love the Lord you God" part down okay, but you still struggle with the "Love your neighbor" part. But you'll learn. It will take a lot of painful introspection though. You'll come face to face with some very ugly truths about yourself that you'll have to choose whether to acknowledge or to ignore. It won't be easy.

The good news is you will get to know some amazing people and have some amazing experiences along the way. Enjoy the music thing you're doing right now. Learn all you can about it because it will play a major role in your life in the future. Meeting Pastor Chris was no accident either. You owe him more than you could ever repay. Listen and learn from him but know that you will make the mistake of trying to become just like him. Resist this. God created you to be you, not to be another Chris Sonksen. That isn't to say you shouldn't learn from him and try to take on some of his traits. It just means God wants you to be YOU.

There's other people you haven't met yet too. People like Billy Phipps who will teach you how to love people better without even knowing he's doing it. You will get so much out of knowing him that you won't even realize until years later. But that's how it is sometimes. You don't even know when you're learning. You just look back a few years later and realize who taught you this or that and often times lately the answer has been: Billy. You'll also learn a ton of things from women like Laura Sonksen, Annie Phipps, and Sonya Henry who will have had no clue how big an impact they made on you. People like Jim Hill and Steve Tiscareno will teach you about temperament and character on whole new levels and you'll make friends that will be there for you in some very difficult times.

Yes, John you have a long, long way to go at 18 years old and I can confidently say that at the age of 31, you'll still have a long, long way to go. But press forward. You have so much potential to change the world one life at a time. But potential simply means that you haven't done anything yet. Potential is like a reserve gas tank. Until you decide to use it, you'll never know how far you can go. So quit talking about all the things you are capable of doing someday and get to actually doing them. Because until you do, you just wasting oxygen. Don't WAIT for the future, MAKE the future, John. Because you've wasted too much time already.

Truly,

-John Hall (age 31)

P.S.

I could tell you about who you're going to marry, (I know that, that question consumes about 85% of your head-space right now), but if I did I would rob you of some serious emotional and personal growth. But I will tell you this; you are very, VERY happy.

-Church Blog Part 3: Broken & Messed Up Together-

One thing I can honestly say is that I know I am loved. And not just by my wife, kids and other family members but also people outside my circle of relatives. And not even just a few life-long friends either. I know. that I know. that I know that I am loved by a lot of people. People older than me, younger than me, smarter than I am and more talented. People better looking with more money and a better sense of who they are. I'm also loved by people who have less money, less education, and less of a sense of who they really are. I'm even loved by people who don't like me. I am loved by a lot of people, and they are loved by me too. Because the "church," is a beautiful idea.

I believe with all that's in me that I would not be as loved as I am were it not for the church. And please know that when I refer to "the church" I'm talking about Christians everywhere and not just the local church that I am a part of. The church has provided me with and endless supply of people to care about. I could rattle off name after name. Some of them I've only met once, some of them I've known for years and some of them I have simply only heard of. It's funny how that works. Yes, the church has provided me with mentors, proteges, and peers alike and I have learned from each one of them.

I think that's one of the main functions God has in place for His church. That we learn from one another. That it doesn't matter who you are, where you came from, what you've done, or how long you've been around. If you here, I can learn from you. You have something to contribute. And your contribution may open up whole new possibilities that I could never imagine without you. The church is a community, an entire Kingdom of people that are committed to loving God by loving each other. Service God by serving each other. Learning from God by learning from each other. Like I said, what a beautiful idea the church is.

So, where do you fit in this Kingdom? Because I promise you, you fit somewhere. And when you find your place or even just begin trying you add value to us all. Your presence and contribution make us better, stronger, and more complete than we were before. And the more people that join God's Kingdom, the closer we become to God's picture of what the church is supposed to be. Now don't get me wrong, I know the church isn't perfect. When you get people involved in something they tend to mess it up a little and the church is made up entirely of people. So naturally, we have our problems. Many outside the church often talk about how the church is full of hypocrites. And you know what? They're right. It absolutely is. So they should fit right in then.

You see the church is filled with broken, messed up people living in the same broken, messed up world that everyone else lives in. We are simply compelled by Christ to be broken and messed up together. And when we are broken and messed up together, we find strength. A strength that only God can provide through His people working in His Spirit to build one another up. To remind one another that we are not alone. To allow God to give us hope, peace, strength, love, joy, laughter, friendship companionship, and comfort through His people. Because when someone else in the church laughs or cries or prays or sings or hopes or celebrates or embraces me, it is not just them that does it. It is God laughing, crying, praying, singing, hoping, celebrating or embracing me through them.

The church is God's way of doing life at our side and not just above our heads. The church is God's way of being with us through life not just after it. The church is God's way of saying to us, "me too." The church is a beautiful idea. It's an idea worth dying for. It's an idea worth living for. If you are already a part of it, I thank you and honor you for your contribution. If you are not, we stand here waiting for you. Anticipating all that we can learn from you and all the ways God can love you through us. We are just broken, messed up people living in a broken, messed up world. But we're doing it together. We hope you'll join us.

-Church Blog Part 2: Don't GO To Church-

My pastor once told a story about a member of the church pulling him aside one Sunday to talk with him. (Note: If it's possible, don't pull your pastor aside on Sunday. His/Her mind is in a million different places and it'll be better for BOTH of you to just call him during the week.) The long time church member proceeded to explain to Pastor Brad that another church member was struggling financially and that she had been assisting her for several weeks now. The well meaning church member went on to say, "I think the church should do something about it." Pastor Brad responded by asking her, "You've been helping her lately?" and the woman reiterated that she had been. "Then the church IS doing something about it," he said. And the conversation ended.

I love this story because it's a real life, flesh and blood example of what "church" actually is. Often times we get confused because of our modern, western understanding of the word "church." So lets explore the origin of the actual word. The word we translate as "church" comes from the Greek work "ekklesia." To understand the significance of this it's important to understand what the word "ekklesia" meant to a First Century person living in the Roman Empire. When a city within the Empire pledged it's loyalty to Cesar and Cesar alone, Rome would formally adopt that city and it's inhabitants would become citizens of Rome. Being a Roman citizen was extremely valuable at the time and came with rights that other were not given. (i.e. Paul's right to appeal his case to Cesar in the book of Acts.) Because of this, many cities were more than happy to give their loyalty to Cesar. They would adopt the currency, styles, rituals and holidays of Rome. They would learn to say things like, "Cesar is Lord." or "There is no name under heaven by which man can be saved than that of Cesar." (Sound familiar?) And for their loyalty, Cesar would declare their city an "ekklesia." You see, First Century Christians hijacked the word church from the Roman Empire.

They did that a lot actually. Hijacking Roman terms and mantras that we still use today. For instance we still say "Jesus is Lord." rather than "Cesar is Lord." And we still call gatherings, "churches" or "ekklesias." Why is this important? Because we should always remember that the very name we use to identify ourselves was meant to fly in the face of human power structures. The term "church" as it was used by First Century Christians was never meant to describe a hierarchical organization with a "top-down" leadership structure. Sure it had, and has, leaders but not in the same sense as we know it. The leadership came along side of it's people, it's didn't rise above them. But over the centuries the church has become domesticated. We began a wild lion and have become a common house-cat. We institutionalized ourselves, segmented ourselves, we fight amongst each other. Sadly, the Kingdom of God has grown more and more like any other kingdom in appearance and function over the last 2 Milena. Somewhere along the line we lost our desire to fly in the face of human power structures and replaced it with a desire to conform to them. We stopped being an insurgent, counter-culture revolution of people who love God and love others. Tragic.

That brings me back to the story my pastor tells. What was he saying to this very well meaning and kind-hearted lady? He was reminding her that "the church" is not a location. It's not a building, it's not staff, it's not service on Sunday. He was reminding her that "the church" is all of us. All of that claim to follow Jesus are the church. The church is alive. Rick Warren recently tweeted "The Church is a Body, not a business; an organism, not an organization." I love this quote because it's a reminder. It's a reminder that church is something we ARE not something we DO. Something we should BE not somewhere we should go. Church is found in people not in places. Today, when we gather as a "church' we call it "going to church." But in doing so, we lose the beauty and honor and wonderful responsibility of BEING the church. Please, don't just GO to church, BE the church. For God, for each other and for the world that needs us to fly in the face of human power structures.

-Church Blog Part 1: Stay Home-

OK I admit it, sometimes church bores me to no end. Sometimes I'll go to a service somewhere and 15 minutes into the service I've checked out mentally and am thinking about what I'm going to order for lunch. And why is it that the most boring churches have the longest services? What is it about the mundane that it somehow always breads an over-consumption of time? We have lives outside of church man! Let us go! I mean, if you can't make your point in 20-25 minutes you're certainly not going to be able to make it 45 minutes. Besides, I've heard all this before. Teach me something I DON'T know, don't just tell me the things I already believe. And another thing... wait I'm getting off topic. I'll cover boring sermons and having a life outside of church in the weeks to come. For now I'll just stick to "checking out" while at church. Because even when church bores me to tears, I never go in with anything but a sincere hope and desire for God to speak to me and invade my life.

I cannot tell you how often I look around in a church and see people who have tuned everything out. They are there physically, but have no real desire to get anything out of church. They're like mannequins in the seats showing you what it "looks like" to be in church but are rigid and unmovable. Please know that I am not talking about MY church. I'm talking about every church I've ever been to, seen or heard of and all the ones I haven't heard of either. This is a serious issue. We have developed routine Christianity in our lives rather than living out real faith. Because truly following Jesus should be anything but routine.

But there they are week after week filling our pews and chairs and occupying a space that may otherwise go to someone who is thirsting for interaction with their Creator and Savior. We do that sometimes as Christians don't we? We get in the way of someones opportunity to have a real encounter with the living God. Maybe we don't mean to. But sometimes, our mere presence is like a fence that keeps out the Holy Spirit. I hate this because we're the ones who are supposed to be the example to show others the joy and fulfillment that comes with interacting with a very real God in a very real way. But what message do we send when we're just sitting there in the seat mindlessly staring at the stage daydreaming about other things? What message do send when church is simply routine instead of real? What message do we send when church is an item on out "To-Do List" rather that one on our "To-Be List."

Sadly, this syndrome seems to be most prevalent in Christians who have been Christians for a while. It seems the longer you're a Christian, the more infected by routine you get. I am absolutely petrified by the idea that this will happen to me. What is even more frightening is that in many ways, it already has. But I still have yet to go to church just to check off my "to-do list." I still have yet to sit in a service without anticipating and longing for a real, powerful, life changing encounter with God. I still hunger and thirst to hear His voice. Do you? When in church do you long for a life changing experience? Do you pray that you would somehow, in some way be different when you walk out the door than you were when you walk in? Because if that's not the attitude you carry into church with you, maybe you should just stay home.

I know that many people wont like that idea. I know that many people think you should always be in church and for the most part I agree. But in this case, I simply don't. I think that if you aren't interested in a real interaction with God when you go; if all you're going to do is sit there with a mind-numbed expression on your face instead of seeking God; then you're just getting in God's way. I know that there are people who will suggest that, "At least if they're in church God may get their attention," but I don't agree. First off, if they don't want God to get there attention then going to church isn't going to make it happen and secondly, God doesn't need them to come and sit in a specific building on a specific day of the week, at a specific time of the day to get there attention. He can do it whenever and where ever He wants.

So please, when you sit in service, seek God. Seek life-change. Seek His voice. If it's time to sing and worship, then sing and worship. Cry out to God as His church with a single unified voice that you are there for Him. To hear from Him what He wants to do in your life. Consider the words and message behind the lyrics to the songs. Let them our out of your heart and soul instead of just reciting them from memory. When it's time for the speaker to teach/preach, listen attentively as if you were hearing the words of God Himself because in many ways, you are. Don't just fill in the blanks and then throw our bulletin away. Consider what God is saying to YOU through the message that day. Encounter God. If you're not interested in that, just say home. Maybe someone who is thirsty for God will use your seat that day.

-Sex Blog Part 5: Dirty Alternatives-

Last week we discussed some of the "whys" behind the idea that God thinks it's smart to wait until we are married to have sex. The idea that sex has, quite literally, caused so many problems in our world not unique. Human-beings have often taken something God created to be beautiful and enjoyable, and used it to such an extreme that it becomes distasteful and far from God's original design. But actual physical sex is only part of it. The act of sexual intercourse is very intimate and, quite pleasurable sure, but what about other acts? What is OK to do outside of marriage? You may be surprised to hear the kind of things happening today.

I have always been a fan of technology. Over the last century we have grown leaps and bounds technologically with each step helping to make the world smaller and smaller. It has opened up doors and methods of communication that would seem like "magic" just 75 years ago. But the technologies have also given rise to other types of sex. Phone sex, cyber-sex, webcam-sex, and the newer phenomenon referred to as "sexting" are rampant in our culture. In each of these, the parties involved never actually make physical contact. There is no real "sex" being had. It is simply a means by which people "inspire" themselves and each other during masturbation. But is it OK just because no one is actually having sex? I honestly believe this act is pretty much the same as actual intercourse. Sure there is no exchange of bodily fluids and no opportunity to pass on a disease but it is still a very very intimate scenario. Remember our discussion in Part 1 of this series about discussions of the most intimate details and corners of our minds being a way to draw us closer together as a husband and wife? So phone sex, webcam-sex, cyber-sex, and sexting open these highly intimate discussions up and create a false sense of intimacy which can be very dangerous outside of a fully committed, marriage relationship. It can be detrimental to you in the long run as well.

The same can be said in many ways for pornography which is highly available to pretty much anyone with an Internet connection. In this circumstance, the person using porn is lulled into the idea that "no one is getting hurt," because there is nothing intimate about it. No conversation is happening and there is no exchange of personal information or sexual discussion. But there is something deeper going on here. When you view porn in any form you are supporting the idea that it's OK for a man or woman to give themselves away for money. Let's make no mistake about that porn is a form of prostitution because it's sex in exchange for money. I don't care that they're called "actors" and I don't care if they aren't always having actual intercourse. They are giving a piece of themselves away and by viewing it we support it. By participating in it at any level, we are saying that it is acceptable for you to do this or show that in order to provide stimulation for random people. It's OK for you to become an object rather than an individual. Porn turns people into fantasies that are not real. It takes a human who God created in His image, and turns them into fiction. It dehumanizes them. And just because they were willing to do it or got paid for it doesn't make it OK for us to participate in robbing them of their humanity and removing the image of God in them. That is what porn does.

Finally friends we come to the "where do we draw the line physically" question. What are we allowed to do when we're not married? What if we're "in love" and want to express that physically? What if we're engaged? Please understand, i have asked these questions myself. Every relationship I was in prior to being married came with these questions. For me, I have to examine the the motive behind the questions. For example, there are many "alternatives" to actual intercourse that people think aren't actually sex. Hands can be used on one another to simulate sex. Oral sex has long been viewed as an "alternative." In recent years, many "good Christian girls" are using anal sex as a way to protect their virginity but still keep their boyfriend happy. It's quite sad really. Because in ANY of these cases, you're still giving yourself away. God tells us that a woman should never settle for anything less then a man who is willing to die for her. It tells us that a man should love and respect her enough to put his own agenda aside and give his very life for her. If you're willing to die for her then you should be willing to wait for her. So, once again, what is the motive behind asking how far you can go? the motive is to get as close to the line as we can without actually crossing it. (Which is an exercise in futility) As people who want to live the way of Jesus, we cannot afford to have the philosophy of "get as close as you can to sinning without actually doing it." So when we ask these questions to justify our actions we are creating a false foundation for our faith. Using you hands, mouths or anything else to simulate sex is just as intimate as actual sex and the idea that "The Bible doesn't actually say it wrong," is ridiculous. In the time it was written, the Bible didn't need to clarify what was sex and what wasn't because even seeing a woman you weren't married to let her hair down was very provocative. It doesn't say it's wrong because it assumes you ALREADY know it. Which, in your heart, you do.

Sex, IN ANY FORM, is a deeply personal and intimate expression. God created us as sexual being because He loves us and wants us to experience the ecstasy of that type of intimacy. He wants us to know what it's like to be loved physically an not just emotionally. Sex was created to help us build a stronger bond and deeper connection with our husband or wife. I am saddened that our culture has used it to drive us apart. Porn, phone sex, and justified simulated sex all end up pulling us AWAY from our original design. They destroy the image of God in us and rob us of our actual sexuality as a human. Sex, in any form, should bring you closer and closer to someone you've made a lifelong commitment to. Someone you're willing to set aside your agenda for. Someone you willing to die for.

-Sex Blog Part 4: Dirty Secrets-

OK so we've covered some topics about sex as it relates to married people and having an open, honest relationship. We've talked about how God may have made us so different sexually in order to get us to talk to our spouses in a deeply honest way about the most intimate topics of life; thus making it easier for us to communicate with them about other issues when they arise. For example, if I am comfortable sharing my deepest sexual thoughts with Krissy, then talking to her about how we spend our money or how we're going to raise our children will probably be pretty easy in comparison. (By the way sex, money and kids are the top three subjects married couples argue about.) I'd like to use this communication idea as a springboard to this weeks post. If you're not married, this type of deep intimate communication is not necessary.

Too often when we talk about sex before marriage in a "Christian" setting we simply discuss that the Bible says we shouldn't have sex until we're married. And while this point is absolutely true, we're simply not doing the Bible, or God any justice by limiting our reasoning to that and that alone. I'm a big fan of asking and talking about "the whys." It isn't enough to say that God wants us to remain sexually pure until we're married. We have to discuss WHY God says that. What purpose could it have? If God made us sexual beings and gave us sexual desires, then why would He also tell us to quench those desires?

Well first, I'd like to go back to the original point. The type of deep, deep intimacy that sex brings really doesn't make a whole lot of sense outside of a marriage. If I'm 15, what business do I have sharing my deepest thoughts and most intimate feelings with another teen-ager who really isn't equipped to understand them and probably doesn't really care anyway? The intimacy of sex was created to share with a single person because your marriage relationship is supposed to be the most intimate relationship you EVER have. I am proud that there is something between Krissy and I that we have only shared with one another. There isn't another human being alive who could possible say that one day, they were just as close to Krissy as I am today or just as close to me as Krissy is today. Because they have NEVER shared that most intimate of acts, sex. And because of this truth, our marriage is stronger than most other marriages out there.

Another reason I think God asks us to keep sex off the table until we're married is because God is also a very practical God. If you simply stop and think about it, you'll see that saving sex until you're married just makes more sense. Unlike several friends, I've never had to worry about getting herpes, crabs or even aids. I've never had to concern myself with telling my parents that I got some girl pregnant. And I've never had to worry about finding some form of birth control and feeling all awkward about it. Just think of all the crime, disease, and conflict that comes from sex. Would there be an issue of prostitution or young girls being sold as sex slaves if EVERYONE decided to wait until they were married? Would HIV and any other STDs be as big an issue, (if an issue at all), if EVERYONE decided to wait? Would abortion be such an issue if over 90% of "unwanted pregnancies" were eliminated because EVERYONE decided to wait? I mean, look at history. Wars have been fought over sex. Imagine a world without all the pain, suffering, and heartache that sex is able to cause. It would be possible if everyone would simply see the practicality of waiting until you're married to have sex, (and remaining faithful to your spouse of course).

Finally, I think God asks us to remain sexually pure until marriage to help teach us self-control. We do not live in a culture that puts a lot of weight on self-control and moderation. We are living in a time that is a very, "do whatever you want but don't hurt anyone else" time. I like the idea of "not hurting anyone else" but is it very difficult to combine it with the "do whatever you want." If I do whatever I want, someone else is bound to get hurt. If a guy sleeps with some girl because he wants to he is potentially hurting her even if SHE wants to as well. What if she gets pregnant? What if he has an STD and doesn't know it? "She wanted it too!" is no excuse for a lack of self-control. We need to learn to be the master of our hormones instead of letting them master us. We need to learn to let our self-worth comes from the fact that God thinks we're worth dying for rather than doing what it takes to get the approval of some guy or girl. Ladies, stop using sex to get love. Guys, stop using love to get sex. You're both just cheapening yourselves and are worth so much more. Control your desires, don't let them control you. Then there will be no secrets to keep and no shame to feel. But that's just my opinion.

-Sex Blog Part 3: Dirty Talk-

OK so far in this "Blog Series" we've discussed the importance of communication in a marriage as it pertains to your sex-life and then last week the importance of serving one another in our marriages was the topic. So lets say we do that. Let's say we learn to open up with our spouse about our sexuality. We begin to have an open and honest discourse with one another about our needs. We get more and more comfortable with one another and then begin opening up about our sexual desires and fantasies with our spouses. And, more importantly, we also listen to them. We hear them out out and the communication begins to flow both ways between us. We begin to see each other's sexuality as a gift not only for them but for us. We find greater and greater fulfillment in our marriage and sex-life as we learn to step outside of our comfort zones in the bed room. We are another step closer to being "naked and feeling no shame" with each other. It's a beautiful awareness isn't it? To be able to trust someone else so intimately and know they trust you as well. But we also trust other people don't we. We have friends that have earned our trust. What happens when the trust in those relationships crosses into our sexual relationship with our spouse?

As you may be able to imagine, I'm a pretty open guy. I'm not a big fan of having personal secrets. I think it's easier to maintain integrity if I keep no secrets about myself, (emphasis on "about myself" as i hold the confidentiality I take with others very seriously). Because of this personality trait, it is easy for me to be open about pretty much every part of my life. this includes my sex-life. I have good friends who i feel at ease discussing certain intimate things with because (1) I have that type of personality, and (2) they have earned my trust. My wife is at the very top of this list. But even though I share EVERYTHING with my wife, even though there is nothing that goes on in my heart, mind and soul that I would hold back from her, there are things that she'll just never understand. Not because she won't try, but simply because she CAN'T. Likewise, there are things within her that I'll never be able to understand. This is where those friends come in.

We trust our close friends don't we? We feel like we can tell them anything and they'll get it. they can relate on some level so they understand where we're coming from. Sometimes even more so than our spouses can. Sometimes, our long-term, closest, most trusted friends seem to find their way in to our "transparency zone" easier than our spouse can. Not because our spouse doesn't want to but because that friend seems to relate easier. So what happens when sex crosses over into that "transparency zone"? It often does. We often feel so comfortable with our friends that our sex-life finds it's way into our conversations. Is that OK?

I'm a true believer that we should have people in our lives that we can bounce things off of. People who can be a sounding board for us. People who will listen. But we must also be sensitive to our spouse when it comes to discussing our sex-life with others. Our first responsibility is to our husband or wife, not to our own "need" to vent. I think if you're going to discuss your sex-life with others, there should be an understanding with your spouse. I shouldn't discuss anything with someone else that I couldn't discuss with Krissy. She should ALWAYS be my first sounding board. But if she doesn't know about something that's going on in my head about our sex-life then no one else has any business knowing either. She should also know that I am discussing it with others. I shouldn't hide it in any way. And finally she should also have veto authority. She should be able to tell me that she would rather me NOT discuss certain things with people outside our marriage. But she has responsibilities too.

As a husband or wife, we MUST understand our spouses need for a sounding board. We must be open to the truth that most of us need someone else who can relate on a level that our spouse simply can't relate. (Once again, this usually caused by gender differences) Before I use my "veto authority" I must be aware that my wife needs to have conversations with people who can relate to her. i can not simply plug my ears and refuse to let her discuss SOME intimate things with her closest, most trusted friends. I have to trust her. I have to trust that she has already shared with me the things she is sharing with them. I have to trust that protecting our marriage is on the forefront of her mind even when she is talking to others. Because I want her to trust me too. I want her to trust that I'm NOT having a sexual "one up" conversation with my friends where we simply talk about all the things that go on in our bedroom like we're bragging. I want her to trust that i know certain things aren't appropriate to share. And when all is said and done i have to believe that my relationship with her will only end up be stronger, richer and filled with more trust and intimacy than it was before.

I know there are those who will disagree with me on this. There are those that believe that discussions about your sex-life should be kept between a married couple only. I respect your view with deep sincerity and I would love to hear your thoughts. I am working through many of life's big questions as i go and have learned, quite definitively, that I could be wrong. So let's open the discussion. What do you think? What are your opinions about this? And if you feel so bold, what do you and your spouse agree upon in discussing your sex-life with others? I'm learning and would love to learn from you.