Wednesday, October 29, 2008

-What's Your "These"?-

So this is actually going to be a two-part blog about a few things that have been working on me lately. Fortunately for anyone reading this, I have no story to tell to lead into my point like I usually do. But I want to discuss a couple of things that have been on my mind. Not detail things but big picture things about life. Both topics can be pulled from the story of an encounter that the disciples, and more specifically Peter, had with Jesus after His death and resurrection. The story is found recorded by John in the 21st chapter of his gospel. Verses 11-15 read:

"Simon Peter climbed aboard and dragged the net ashore. It was full of large fish, 153, but even with so many the net was not torn. Jesus said to them, "Come and have breakfast." None of the disciples dared ask him, "Who are you?" They knew it was the Lord. Jesus came, took the bread and gave it to them, and did the same with the fish. This was now the third time Jesus appeared to his disciples after he was raised from the dead. When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me more than these?"

If you’re anything like me, when you read this and get to the part where Jesus asked Peter if he loves Him, “more than these,” your first inclination is to think the “these” Jesus is talking about are the other disciples. But when we really consider that question, wouldn’t it be an inappropriate thing for Jesus to ask given that the other disciples were all sitting right there? And wouldn’t be even more inappropriate and arrogant for Peter to respond, “yes I do.” Especially when you consider that the author of this gospel refers to himself as, “the disciple whom Jesus loved,” throughout the gospel. When I really started thinking about it, I can’t imagine Jesus was talking about the other disciples. So then who are the “these” Jesus is talking about?

If we examine the story a little closer we see that the disciples had just been fishing, (unsuccessfully), but once again Jesus showed up and helped out. Exactly like he did the first time Peter met him. We are told that they dragged the net in and there were 153 large fish and that they ate some of them for breakfast. When they are done eating, Jesus poses His question to Peter. I am convinced that the “these” in Jesus’ question were the fish. Jesus was asking Peter if he loved Him more than he did the fish. But why?

Well, if you’ll recall, Peter was a fisherman prior to being one of Jesus’ talmudim, (disciples). It was the family business and, before following Jesus around for about three years, it’s all he knew. Then something Peter did not plan happened. Jesus was arrested and executed. Peter was crushed. His Rabbi and Messiah had been killed. Then a few days later Peter was told that Jesus had risen from His grave. Not long after this Jesus actually appeared before Peter and others and proved His resurrection to them. How frightening, and beautiful would that be to Peter? But Jesus’ appearances were erratic and unpredictable so Peter couldn’t just follow Him around like he had before. So, not knowing what to do, Peter went back to the only life he knew. He went back into the family business and started fishing again. An interesting decision I think and I don’t think it was the one Jesus was hoping for. So He paid Peter another visit and asked him, “Do you love me more than these (fish)?” Because when you meet the resurrected Jesus, life shouldn’t ever be the same.

Jesus question to Peter was to prod him in the right direction. You can almost taste the divine sarcasm of such a question. In those seven words Jesus was able to convey several questions to Peter. “You’re fishing again Peter? Weren’t you paying attention Peter? Who gave you the name Peter to begin with? Do you remember when I first called you that? It’s because you knew who I really am. You were the first to say it out loud. I named you Peter, (rock), because there is strength in you. There is power inside of you Peter. And here you are, right back where I found you…fishing. God has made you for so much more!”

Peter loved Jesus and knew, even more than we do today, that Jesus was and is the Christ. He followed Jesus for three years of his life and was even willing to kill to defend Him. But obviously Peter allowed areas of his life to be totally unaffected by his encounters with the resurrected Christ. And Jesus wasn’t about to let that slip by. So He did something about it.

I think many of us Christians today are the exact same way. We have met the resurrected Jesus. We get filled with zeal and passion. Then when we don’t “see” Him for a while our lives go back to business as usual. But God has created us for more than just business as usual. Our WHOILE life should be transformed not just the bits and pieces that make us feel “right.” Jesus asked, “Do you love me more than these?” For Peter, the “these” were fish. If Jesus visited you, and asked you the same question, what would you “these” be? What would your “these” be?

“Do you love me more than these?”
-Jesus

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

-Well or Good?-

I love my daughter. I know that's an obvious statement that most parents can and will make, (providing that they have a daughter), but I like making it anyway. Felix, (her name is Felicia but we call her Felix), and I have the quintessential daddy-daughter thing going and I couldn't love it more. She is amaz-za-zing. She looks like her mom but talks like her dad. Seriously, she is a sarcasm prodigy. One of our friends once said that watching her is like seeing Krissy act like me. A frightening thought in theory but somehow Felix makes it work and I fall more and more in love with her every day.

As part of being her daddy, I usually put Felix to bed at night. This consists of reading her a story, praying with her, and then dealing with about 15 minutes of her stalling with things like wanting "cold water" or another hug and kiss or her ceiling fan on or a tissue or a specific doll or a different CD in her radio. She has mastered drawing out her bedtime process sometimes causing me intense frustration. But generally, I get over it.

As I said, part of this process is that she and I pray together. We take turns with one of us praying one night and the other the next. When Felix prays, she will usually make sure to pray for each person in our family individually. Whether she does this out of genuine love or out of a desire to stall bedtime a little longer, I'm not sure. Probably a little of both. But as she was doing this last week she asked God, "Help Ian to grow big and strong. Help me to not get in trouble. Help mommy not have a headache," (something I pray for constantly as well), "And help daddy do good at church…" And with those words my five-year-old daughter gave me yet another lesson to consider.

For those of you who don't know, I work at a church. So Felix was simply intending to pray for me to do the best job I can while at work. But her choice of words is important. She said, "Help daddy do GOOD at church." Grammatically this sentence is not proper for the way she intended it. She meant, "Help daddy do WELL," but that's not what she said. Dictionary.com defines well as "commendably, meritoriously, or excellently." But it defines good as "morally excellent; virtuous; righteous." The difference isn't exactly subtle.

We all want to do well. We want to achieve new things and accomplish certain goals and complete certain tasks. We want to ensure that we will continue to have a job so we can pay our bills and support ourselves and/or our families. We want to be recognized as being proficient at what we do and have the respect from others that comes along with it. We all want to do well. Unfortunately, our culture has become obsessed with doing well even at the expense of doing good. Yes, we all want to do well. But not everybody cares about doing good.

Doing good is harder than doing well. It requires us to think outside of our own agendas and our own goals. It requires us to act in a selfless manner. Doing good requires that we actually care. Doing good requires that we act for the benefit of someone else and usually calls for some degree of personal sacrifice. Doing good is harder than doing well. Because doing good requires that we do well. But doing well doesn't require that we do good.

To do the most good I can I must also achieve personally. If I do well I will invariably have more opportunity to do good. More time, more resources, more insight and more experience are all byproducts of doing well. Therefore I will be able to turn around and use those things to do good. In short, the better I am at doing well, the more opportunity I'll have to do good.

But our culture has made it so easy to just achieve. I mean think about it; how do we measure someone's importance to society? If they have the bigger house, nicer car, better boat, greater education and fancier title they are considered more important. But how many people have all of those things but allow it to only benefit themselves? Compare that to the person who lives in a modest home, drives a Chevy Malibu, doesn't have a boat and has the title of auto mechanic but takes time each week to volunteer at a soup kitchen, or gives money to organizations that dig wells for people in Africa. Which one has directly made a more valuable impact on those around them? That's the difference really. We do well for ourselves but be do good for others.
In my life and in my job doing well is similar to other jobs. It means hitting goals and accomplishing certain tasks. It means learning and growing and maintaining. But even in a church, no especially in a church, just because I've done well doesn't mean I've done good. And sometimes it's easy to lose sight of which is more important. Well or good? Well or good? Well or good?

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

-Tweet Me A Life Lesson-

On my way in this morning my phone beeped alerting me that I had just received a text message. Being the irresponsible driver that I am, I grabbed my phone and diverted my attention from the road in front of me to the small 1.5’ by 2.5’ screen on my LG Voyager phone. I feel like I should have a “Don’t text and drive” disclaimer at this point but really, would anyone care what I have to say on this subject? Especially after just confessing to do it myself. I will say that if you’re in California, texting and driving will be illegal come January so there you go. Anyway, on with the story.

The text was actually a “tweet”; that is to say it was an update from someone I’m following on twitter. The tweet came via a good friend and mentor of mine named Billy, (yes, the same Billy I mentioned in last week’s post); indicating that today, October 15, 2008 is his and his wife’s 20th wedding anniversary. 20 years is a long time. Some of you reading this may not even have been alive for 20 years yet so you know what I mean. To be cohabitating, loving, being loved by, learning, raising kids, paying bills, cleaning, working, and growing with someone for 20 years is pretty impressive I think. It makes my seven years of marriage seem quite minimal but based on my seven years, (not a single one of which I would trade in or change), I can say with confidence that going 20 takes a lot of love, patience, understanding, compromise and most importantly…arguing. Because you can’t live with someone for 20 years without having a few yelling matches. What fun would that be? So how have my friend Billy and his awesome wife Annie managed to do it? He once told me about their marriage philosophy which I will share with you. At least, what I took from it.

Most people probably view marriage as a 50/50 type of an arrangement. It’s a “give and take” philosophy about knowing when to give and knowing when to take at the right times as to make both of you relatively satisfied that you are getting as much out of the marriage relationship as you are giving to it. In short, the idea is to give 50% of the time and take 50% and both of you will break even in the end. On the surface this seems like a great arrangement. A simple and logical, mathematical formula ensuring the “contentness” of all parties involved. The problem is that relationships, especially marriage relationships, are anything but simple, logical and mathematical. They are messy and abstract without fixed lines and permanent definitions. Knowing this, Billy and Annie have developed a different formula.

Billy once told me that in his marriage they do their best to apply not a 50/50 type of philosophy, but a 100/100 one. The idea is that if they are giving 100% of themselves to their spouse and their spouse is giving 100% to them, it becomes a win-win scenario. This made such a huge impact on me because Billy and I had this conversation shortly before my wife and I married. Now, when we talked about it, it just seemed to flow naturally out of the conversation we were having. But as I look back to that conversation knowing what I now know about Billy, I think that he was steering the conversation in that direction intentionally to help set me up to have a healthy marriage.

I loved this philosophy from the word “go” and Krissy and I have done our best to use it in our own marriage. Sometimes we’re successful, sometimes we’re not. I have also found this idea to be a manifestation of how the Apostle Paul describes the marriage relationship in 1st Corinthians 7:4. He writes, “The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.” Billy and Annie give 100% of themselves to one another because they realize that they belong to each other and not just themselves. I think this is beautiful.

But today, as I read Billy’s tweet and marveled at how awesome it is to see two people love each other so much for so long a time, I began to expand their philosophy beyond marriage and ask myself a few questions. What if I gave 100% of myself to my children too? What if I gave 100% of myself to my friends? My co-workers? My neighbors? My Bankers? My grocery store clerks? My waitresses? My fellow commuters? What if I gave 100% of myself to my fellow human beings everywhere? What would that look like? Is that what Jesus had in mind when he said, “Love one another. As I have loved you so you must love one another.”?

What if I could do that? And what if I could, by doing it, inspire others to give 100% of themselves as well? What would that look like? Imagine. What would that look like? I think it would be beautiful.


P.S.
Thanks Billy. You continue to challenge me toward greatness without even trying or know that you’re doing it. People like you don’t come around often and I’m glad God put me in your flight path.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

-Who Are You Really?-

Not too long ago I was having lunch with a friend, (another Pastor), and he was telling about a speaker he had recently went to see. As he recanted his experience of seeing and listening to this man, you could tell how deeply the experience affected him. It was obviously a defining moment in his life and he was adamant about not walking away from the experience unchanged. I have much admiration for this attitude of his and have really let his response to that experience speak into my life as well.

When the speaker was finished and the event was drawing to a close, my friend approached him to speak with him. As he told me about his conversation with the man something he said struck me. He said he told the man, "Whatever it is that you have, I want it." I have heard that statement before over and over again actually and usually not in the same way that my friend meant it. I know what my friend meant when he said it and I admire his tenacity in going our and trying to become who he was made to be. But usually when I hear the statement, "Whatever it is you have, I want it," it means something else.

In the Pentecostal environments I have been in, this statement usually has something to do with obtaining some gift or power instilled by the Holy Spirit. There have been several "movements of the Spirit" over the past 15 years or so and that is when I hear this statement most. The problem with this statement is that it is the very definition of envy, which the Bible tells us is a sin. This puts me in an awkward place when I hear the statement.

For me, the idea of wanting what someone else has is an issue of discontent with what you do have. Even when it comes to Spiritual gifts, which are good things, it creates an attitude of discontent. When we want the gifts and abilities that God has given someone else, what we are saying is that we are not happy with the gifts and abilities that He has given us. We are saying that we would rather have what God wants for others than what God designed for us. This can be such a destructive way to view things.

In almost every ministry position I've held, paid or unpaid, I have made this error. I have tried to be someone else. Someone I wasn't created to be. I modeled my speaking style after someone else, my speaking content after someone else, my administrative strategy after someone else, my mentoring style after someone else, and in doing so I left no trace of myself in any of it. This only works for so long. The person I really was invariably began to come out, often to the detriment of the persona I was trying to create. One day I decided to stop trying to be a carbon copy of my mentors and only recently have I really begun to get a sense of who I am in ministry. This process is ongoing still today as I try to glean lessons and wisdom from what my mentors have taught me rather than try to become my mentors themselves.

To give you an example of what I mean I need to tell you about one of my mentors. His name is Billy and he is a natural born mentor. He invests himself fully into people and sometimes even gets hurt because of it. He feels deeply for people and because of this he bears their burdens with them. It also makes him a bit of crier but we won't get into all of that. Because Billy is so gifted at connecting with and raising up others, I tried to model myself after him when I was attempting to mentor others. The problem with this is that, even though Billy and I have some similarities, we are very different people. So my trying to become him was actually destructive to my goal of mentoring others. What I am now learning to do is take the things I learned from him and altar them to fit my personality and skill-set rather then altar my personality and skill-set to fit the lessons. Lessons from him like, "Be intentional about bringing them into your world," or "Ask them the tough questions," are easily transferable into any context and I missed the point years ago when he taught me these things.

I am finally in a place where I am not only content with who God is making me into but excited about it. Billy is one of many mentors whose lessons are paying off huge dividends currently because I have learned the hard lesson of being who I am. Being who God created me to be. So next time you find yourself wishing you were more like someone else or wishing you had something they have, please, learn from my mistakes rather than repeating them, and altar the lesson to fit your personality rather than trying to altar your personality to fit the lesson. Because who you really are will always come pouring out and usually at very inconvenient times.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

-What Eric Clapton Taught Me About Life-

I have a very specific way to read books. I didn’t copy it from anyone nor was it ever suggested to me to read books this way. It has simply evolved over time to what it is today and it seems to work for me. The way it works is like this.

I am usually reading three books at any given time. One of them is my primary book that is the one I read most often. Usually this book is about faith, life, or self-improvement of some type. The goal is for it to challenge the way I think and give me different perspectives on life, leadership, ministry, relationships, faith and abstract things like that. The second of the two is generally very informational. Lost of facts, statistics, timetables, and words I have to look up in order to understand. These books usually feed the left side of my brain and often times are very tough reads but have great information. The last of the three books is usually a book that I am strictly reading for enjoyment. Sometimes fiction and sometimes not, they usually pertain to subjects like music, mythology, politics, or history. Sometimes, such as currently, I supplement these books with a fourth just for kicks. A fourth book has no set agenda it’s just a book I want to read for one reason or another and it usually takes me a long time to get through it. The books I’m in right now are:

1. “Who Stole My Church?”, by Gordon MacDonald
2. “The Language of God”, by Francis S. Collins
3. “Clapton – The Autobiography”, by Eric Clapton
4. “A History of God”, by Karen Armstrong

The strange thing about my current reading list is how much I am actually learning about myself from reading Eric Clapton’s autobiography. Now, if you don’t know who Eric Clapton is then I’m sorry, I don’t think we can be friends. Never the less I’ll explain that he is a guitar virtuoso and one of the most famous musicians of all time. His career is now in it’s fifth decade and he is arguably the best guitar player alive today and possibly ever.

In his autobiography, Clapton spends time first describing his addiction to heroine for a few chapters and then describes his alcoholism for a few more. From the early 60’s to the 80’s the guy did everything and everyone he could. Eric Clapton, it seems, is addicted to addictions.

This idea got me thinking about myself. You see, moderation does not come naturally to me. One look at me and you’ll think, “Wow, that guy really likes fried food and cheesecake,” and you’d be absolutely right. But my “addictive personality” stretches far beyond food. I, (like many parents I know), am also addicted to my children’s laughter. But it doesn’t stop there either. I’m addicted to my wife’s smile, (and other things about my wife I won’t mention here), spending time with friends, certain songs, my faith, Dr. Pepper, “Heroes”, and sarcasm. It seems that I, like Clapton, am addicted to addictions.

This type of personality has some very huge plusses. It means that I commit to things 100%. It means I am loyal and value loyalty. It means once I commit to something I see it out to either its success or it’s dismal failure. It means that I would take a bullet for those close to me without hesitation. It means that when people around me succeed, it is a victory for me too.

Unfortunately, it also comes with serious personality flaws. It means I can be hurt easily. It means I get frustrated easily. It means I have a hard time seeing when it’s time to cut my losses and give up on something that is destined for failure. It means I don’t know when to shut my mouth. It means I lose sleep if everything isn’t full of roses and sugar-cookies. It means I can be really paranoid and take things way too personally. It means I can be way too competitive even in the trivial things. Basically, it means I’m a basket case.

But reading Clapton’s descriptions of his battles with addictions makes me realize that we all struggle with ourselves. Even guitar gods. Even Presidents. Even mega-church pastors and world-famous evangelists. Even powerful C.E.O.’s. Even Biblical heroes. Even Hollywood royalty. Even violent dictators. Even brilliant scientists. And even obscure bloggers in Central California. It’s all of us. Every last soul on earth.

I am learning that my weaknesses are a part of me even when they get in my way. I am learning that I am wired like this for a reason even if I haven’t discovered it yet. I am learning that God knew what he was doing when he created me even if I don’t. I am learning to rely on my strengths even when I can’t predict the outcome. I am learning to be cautious of my weaknesses even when every fiber of my being wants to just ignore the writing on the wall and push through. I am learning that the struggle to “have it all together” is one I can never win. But I am also learning that that struggle is still worth it to make. Because nothing with true value ever comes without a struggle.
And that is what Eric Clapton taught me about life.