-Good Communication-

The key to good communication is brevity.

Happy New year everyone!

-While They're Not Looking-

Krissy and I were very fortunate to get a girl and a boy when trying to have kids.  It means we won't have to take any chances with our reproductive efficiency.  I know several couples who have tons of kids because they kept trying for that boy or girl they didn't have yet.  In many ways it's funny; as long as it isn't happening to me.  Years ago, Krissy and I decided that we would stop at three kids no matter what.  The scary part is that twins run on both sides of both of our families. So I biggest fear was trying for the third one and having twins.  God's kind of a funny guy with that kind of thing. Luckily, we won't have to worry about that though.

Having kids is so much more intense than I ever imagined.  One night, shortly after Felicia was born, I was laying in bed and worked myself into full "pissed-offed-ness" by just thinking about the idea of someone trying to take her from us.  Seriously I was ready to hurt someone and the whole thing was just a hypothetical that I created myself.  But adversely, certain thoughts about my kids can bring great joy as well.

But I'd have to say that one of the best parts of having kids is just watching them.  Our five-year-old daughter, Felicia, is great to watch because she uses her imagination more and more everyday.  She dances around and sings pretends she a character from one of her books.  For Krissy and I, it's so beautiful to watch.  She is also blowing us away with how smart she is.  I don't like to be "that parent" that insists his kid smarter than everyone else's but seriously, she's amazing us.  We had our first parent/teacher conference with her Kindergarten teacher this year and she was going over what they call "sight words."  these are words that the kids are supposed to be able to read by just looking at them.  Of the 19 kids in her class she said most of them know between 4 and 9 sight words which is normal.  A few others knew up to 12 which was great. Felicia knew 44!  Yes, 44!  And at this point she is reading entire books on her own.

Our son, Ian, is about 16 months old.  He's load and often obnoxious.  He totally gets that from Krissy.  He is extremely curious.  He's always opening drawers and then closing them.  he likes taking the back off the remote controls and pulling the batteries out just to see if he can put it all back together.  He pushes buttons on the TV to change the channel or just turn it off.  Right now one of his favorite things to do is walk up to Felicia and just grab a handful of hair and then YANK.  Laughing hysterically the whole time.

I express all of this to let you know the sheer joy that comes with simply watching your children be themselves.  If you are a parent you probably know exactly what I mean.  But you know when the best time to watch your kids is?  When they don't know that you're doing it.  When they don't know they have an audience kids true personalities come out and when it is your kids, it can bring you to tears to see.  They dance just a little bit more freely. They sing just a little bit louder and out of key.  They get into just a little bit more mischief.  And they make a much bigger mess. It truly is one of the great joys of being a parent and I believe that God is trying to tell us something through it.

I have yet to meet anyone who has seen God face to face or to do so myself.  God is mysterious. I won't go as far as to say that He is hiding from us but I think there is a reason He doesn't just walk in and sit down next to us.  I know about the whole "humans can't actually see God and live," thing but I think there is more to it than that.  Because He is God and can do anything so if He really wanted to He could meet for lunch whenever or wherever.  So there must be more to it than that.

Through out scripture, we are referred to as "God's children."  From Genesis to Revelation God is constantly reminding us that we are His kids.  One of His most commonly used identities is even "Heavenly Father."  Well, maybe He thinks the best, most precious and rewarding times to watch His kids is when we don't know He's watching?  What if that's one of the reasons we don't see Him face to face.  Maybe one of the great joys of our Heavenly Father is simply watching His kids when they dance a little more freely, sing a little bit louder, and make a bigger mess.

I know that isn't the only reason God doesn't just show up at Taco Bell while we're having lunch. I know that it is much more complex than that.  But I also know what it is like to be a daddy.  I know the fears and laughter and joys and responsibilities that are attached to that title and I know how great it is sometimes to just watch your children.  And I think maybe God loves to watch us too.  I think He He takes great joy in our just making our way through this life He has given us. Thank you God for this life.  I hope that watching me will sometimes put a smile on your face.

-A Five-Year-Old's Philosophy-

My daughter goes through strange phases.  I'm not sure how common they are but Krissy and I have grown accustomed to them over the last few years.  What she'll do is get really concerned about something and then keep asking us about it over and over again.  For instance, not long ago she was worried about using the toilet.  Why?  Because she was petrified that the toilet would clog. So every time she had to go the bathroom she would ask us, "Am I going to have an overflow?" This kind of thing goes on for months at a time.  But with her new O.C.D. she once again illuminates to me a theological life lesson.

Lately her concern has been whether or not she'll get in trouble for saying something wrong or whining too much.  She'll say something innocently that she probably shouldn't say like, "Jingle bells homework smells the teacher's really mean," and I'll let her know that it's not very nice to say that her teacher is mean.  Especially considering how great her teacher is and how much Felicia really likes her.  But her response is what is interesting.  She'll then ask , "Can I say it in my head?"  She's asking me if it is wrong for her to THINK things but not say them out loud.  This puts Krissy and I in an awkward position but Felicia solved it for us one day when she started saying, "OK if I say it in my head I'll just ask God to forgive me."  It's so simple for her.

Jesus said a lot of very cool, life-changing, world-altering, culture-shattering things when He walked around ancient Israel.  One of His most well know concepts was the idea that each of us should strive for what He called a "childlike faith."  What exactly Jesus meant by this is debatable in our world today but Felicia's recent concerns have helped to point me in what I feel is the right direction about it. When she asks, "Can I say it in my head," and then solves her serious moral dilemma with, "OK if I say it in my head I'll just ask God to forgive me," she demonstrates a childlike faith.

First, her concern is rooted in the right place.  She isn't worried about where her next meal is coming from or whether or not the economy is going to turn around.  She is simply worried about doing the right thing.  She wants to make sure that even the things she THINKS are OK.  Her priority is being a good girl.  In fact, that is her only concern.  But she doesn't stop there.

Felicia is realistic enough to know that she probably won't always do, say or even think the right things.  So her very basic response is that she'll just ask God to forgive her and that'll be the end of it.  She isn't concerned whether or not He will, she simply accepts that the act of asking forgiveness will take care of it.  She also doesn't continue to beat herself up when it's over.  She tells God she's sorry and moves on with her day.

For a five-year-old, Felicia seems to have a lot of things worked out that I, at 30 years old, am still trying to wrap my mind around.  Fortunately for me, Felicia is there to teach me a few things about life, love, faith and God.  Her philosophy is a simple one really.  She just tries to be a good girl, the best girl she can be, and all she cares about being.  But when she fails.  When she says the wrong thing or even thinks something she's doesn't think she is supposed to, she simply asks God to forgive her and moves on with her life knowing that He will.  I think I need to do that.  To just try to be the best man that I can be and when I fail, to understand that God will forgive me and then move forward with my life; trying, once again, to be the best man I can be.

-Jesus, Krissy And Why You Should Be Like Them-

Earlier this week my wife, Krissy, started a new job and was pretty nervous.  This is the first time in 11 years she has changed the company she works for so she's entering unknown territory. But for the last 11 years, (roughly 84% of her adult life), Krissy had worked in a bank in various different positions.  Entry level, supervisory, district operations support and even as a branch manager.  Her new job will have her remaining in the banking industry as an Assistant Manager for a Washington Mutual branch.  But even while remaining in an industry she knows well, and despite being extremely qualified for the position she is assuming, she was nervous.  Personally, I thought she was being hypersensitive about it because her record and resume speak for themselves and there was no need for her to worry.  If you will indulge me, I'd like to take a few moments to brag about my wife.

Krissy is an alumni of California State University at Santa Barbara.  She is one of the few people I know that managed to graduate college in four years rather than five which, to me, is impressive enough.  But in her four years there, Krissy managed to get not one, but two bachelors degrees. One in Business and one in Communications.  In her professional life, Krissy was rapidly promoted from Supervisor, to Assistant Manager, and finally to Branch Manager by the time she was 24.  A few years later she gave birth to the first of our two children and decided to work only part time hours.  For the next several years, the company she worked for used her in several different ways.  She covered branches whose management team was struggling.  She trained new employees or developed current employees into supervisors.  She was placed in branches who were having operational difficulties and performing poorly on audits to help clean them up. She was a commodity and every manager in the region was requesting her assistance in one way or another.  How do I know this?  Because I worked for the same company as her and was a branch manager during her stint and the region's most sought after resource.  Please believe when I say I am not exaggerating the demand she was in.

If you add all this to the fact the she is an amazing mother for our daughter and son and that she is simply the greatest wife in history of the human race, (sorry guys... it's true), you'll see that Krissy really should have had no concern about the job she is now doing.  But she did.  She was worried she was getting in over her head.  She was worried that no one would like her.  She was worried that she wouldn't measure up to her resume.  She was worried that she just couldn't do it. But I think that's OK.

Just before he was arrested, Jesus was praying.  He knew what was coming and was stressed out about it.  All the anxiety and solitude and questions about whether he had done and said everything he was supposed to before his death culminated at that moment and he prayed that if there was any other way humanity could be restored then he'd like to go with Plan B.  But there was no other way.  There was no Plan B.  And Jesus continued on toward his own torture and execution knowing what was coming.

I talk about this moment of worry in Jesus' life because, to me, it really displays his humanity. Jesus was afraid.  Jesus was worried.  Jesus questioned his ability to do what needed to be done.  That is comforting to me.  Because if Jesus wasn't sure if he had the strength and fortitude to move forward then it's OK for Krissy, or me, or you to worry too.  It's OK to question our our ability sometimes.  In fact it's probably healthy.  It's OK to be afraid of failure as long as that fear causes us to focus instead of paralyzing us from moving forward.

Even though Jesus knew that the cross was temporary but his resurrection would be eternal, he was afraid.  Even though he knew that the power of creation was in him, he was nervous.  And even though he knew that time and time again he had seen and been a part of amazing miracles, he was full of anxiety.  And even though Krissy knew her new job was in an industry she was very familiar with, she was afraid.  Even though she knew that she was a valuable commodity in her previous job, she was nervous.  And even though she had countless experiences doing the exact things her new job would require of her, she was full of anxiety.  And it's OK.  Because like Jesus, her anxiety causes her to focus and move forward with strength and the will to do what must be done.  It's OK to be afraid.  It's OK to worry.  They can be your best friend if they help you focus.  But they can be your worst enemy if you let them paralyze you.  Which one will they be for you?

-R.I.P. Max-

A few years ago I had the opportunity and the privilege to visit Fiji on a short-term mission trip with a group of ministry students.  That trip remains one of the defining experiences of my ministerial life and I could tell you story after story of the amazing things that I either saw or got to be a part of.  But don't worry, I won't.  I do, however, have a story from that trip I'd like to share that has nothing to do with the ministry we were involved in on that trip.  It didn't happen during prayer, during a church service, during an evening event, or even during a meal.  It happened in a van.

The group was using two vans to get around and the van I was in was usually driven by one of our group members rather than by a Fijian local.  We were headed back to our Hotel for the night and speeding our way down a long, dark, single lane highway.  As our driver continued on, we noticed up ahead, a dog laying in the road.  We couldn't tell if it was dead or alive so to avoid it, our driver drifted over to the right in the lane of traffic headed in the opposite direction. (They drive on the left side of the road in Fiji and using the oncoming traffic lane to pass is perfectly legal there.)  As he swerved over, he noticed an oncoming car and so he sped up to try to get passed the dog before having to move back into the left lane thus avoiding a head-on collision. Despite what I am 50% sure was his best effort to avoid the dog, our driver was unable to pick up enough speed to avoid both the dog and the oncoming car.  He was forced to get back into the left lane just in time to run the dog over at a high speed.  Now, i can't be certain because it was so dark but I think the van managed to twist the dog in half.  If the animal was alive before we hit it, it sure wasn't anymore.  We named the dog Max.  When we got back to the hotel, you could see some of the remains of Max's innards on the wheel wells of the van.  It was very disturbing but we managed to make a joke out of it the rest of our trip.

I tell this story because I think our lives are like it more often than we think.  Max was in our way. We tried to avoid him but it just wasn't possible without risking the safety of the 8 people in the van.  So we hit him square on and at full speed.  We all have obstacles throughout our life and sometimes we can avoid them.  But other times... we simply have to hit them head on and at full speed.  Because if we don't, then the obstacle wins and hold us back from getting where we want to go.

I don't know where any of you are at in life really.  But i can promise you that if there isn't a dog laying in the road ahead of you right now, there will be soon.  Who knows what it'll be?  A relational obstacle, a spiritual obstacle, a financial obstacle, an emotional obstacle, or even a self-inflicted obstacle.  Whatever it is, you must be prepared to hit it head on and at full speed.  By all means try to avoid it.  Serve out of the way.  But something issues and problems and obstacles in life cannot be avoided and if that is the case; push the pedal down and and twist the obstacle in half.  The bump may be load and send you out of your seat and, like it was with Max, things may get messy.  But it might be the only way move forward and get to where you want to go.

In Philippians, Paul tells us to "not be anxious about anything."  Anxiety has a way of eating away at your joy.  It blocks out anything good that happens to be going on in your life so all you can see is the obstacle in front of you.  But Paul reminds us that worry and anxiety will get us nowhere.  That all it will do is overwhelm us chew up our hope and our joy.  This is not what God wants for us.

Some obstacles are unavoidable.  They're there in front of us and swerving right or left to go around them is simply not an option.  Even if we didn't put it there, sometimes Max is just unavoidable.  So I say hit it.  Hit it head on and at full speed.  The bump will be big but will end.  If it throws you out of your seat you will eventually come back down.  If it gets messy you can clean it up later.  Hit it head on and then watch it fade away behind you as you continue moving forward.

P.S.

I have kept the drivers name anonymous in case there are animal lovers out there who would seek to exact vengeance on  him for Max's death.

P.P.S.

This blog post is dedicated in memoriam of Max the dog.  Thanks for giving all of us in that van an experience we won't forget.  Rest in peace boy. Rest in peace.