Earlier this week my wife, Krissy, started a new job and was pretty nervous. This is the first time in 11 years she has changed the company she works for so she's entering unknown territory. But for the last 11 years, (roughly 84% of her adult life), Krissy had worked in a bank in various different positions. Entry level, supervisory, district operations support and even as a branch manager. Her new job will have her remaining in the banking industry as an Assistant Manager for a Washington Mutual branch. But even while remaining in an industry she knows well, and despite being extremely qualified for the position she is assuming, she was nervous. Personally, I thought she was being hypersensitive about it because her record and resume speak for themselves and there was no need for her to worry. If you will indulge me, I'd like to take a few moments to brag about my wife.
Krissy is an alumni of California State University at Santa Barbara. She is one of the few people I know that managed to graduate college in four years rather than five which, to me, is impressive enough. But in her four years there, Krissy managed to get not one, but two bachelors degrees. One in Business and one in Communications. In her professional life, Krissy was rapidly promoted from Supervisor, to Assistant Manager, and finally to Branch Manager by the time she was 24. A few years later she gave birth to the first of our two children and decided to work only part time hours. For the next several years, the company she worked for used her in several different ways. She covered branches whose management team was struggling. She trained new employees or developed current employees into supervisors. She was placed in branches who were having operational difficulties and performing poorly on audits to help clean them up. She was a commodity and every manager in the region was requesting her assistance in one way or another. How do I know this? Because I worked for the same company as her and was a branch manager during her stint and the region's most sought after resource. Please believe when I say I am not exaggerating the demand she was in.
If you add all this to the fact the she is an amazing mother for our daughter and son and that she is simply the greatest wife in history of the human race, (sorry guys... it's true), you'll see that Krissy really should have had no concern about the job she is now doing. But she did. She was worried she was getting in over her head. She was worried that no one would like her. She was worried that she wouldn't measure up to her resume. She was worried that she just couldn't do it. But I think that's OK.
Just before he was arrested, Jesus was praying. He knew what was coming and was stressed out about it. All the anxiety and solitude and questions about whether he had done and said everything he was supposed to before his death culminated at that moment and he prayed that if there was any other way humanity could be restored then he'd like to go with Plan B. But there was no other way. There was no Plan B. And Jesus continued on toward his own torture and execution knowing what was coming.
I talk about this moment of worry in Jesus' life because, to me, it really displays his humanity. Jesus was afraid. Jesus was worried. Jesus questioned his ability to do what needed to be done. That is comforting to me. Because if Jesus wasn't sure if he had the strength and fortitude to move forward then it's OK for Krissy, or me, or you to worry too. It's OK to question our our ability sometimes. In fact it's probably healthy. It's OK to be afraid of failure as long as that fear causes us to focus instead of paralyzing us from moving forward.
Even though Jesus knew that the cross was temporary but his resurrection would be eternal, he was afraid. Even though he knew that the power of creation was in him, he was nervous. And even though he knew that time and time again he had seen and been a part of amazing miracles, he was full of anxiety. And even though Krissy knew her new job was in an industry she was very familiar with, she was afraid. Even though she knew that she was a valuable commodity in her previous job, she was nervous. And even though she had countless experiences doing the exact things her new job would require of her, she was full of anxiety. And it's OK. Because like Jesus, her anxiety causes her to focus and move forward with strength and the will to do what must be done. It's OK to be afraid. It's OK to worry. They can be your best friend if they help you focus. But they can be your worst enemy if you let them paralyze you. Which one will they be for you?
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