My daughter goes through strange phases. I'm not sure how common they are but Krissy and I have grown accustomed to them over the last few years. What she'll do is get really concerned about something and then keep asking us about it over and over again. For instance, not long ago she was worried about using the toilet. Why? Because she was petrified that the toilet would clog. So every time she had to go the bathroom she would ask us, "Am I going to have an overflow?" This kind of thing goes on for months at a time. But with her new O.C.D. she once again illuminates to me a theological life lesson.
Lately her concern has been whether or not she'll get in trouble for saying something wrong or whining too much. She'll say something innocently that she probably shouldn't say like, "Jingle bells homework smells the teacher's really mean," and I'll let her know that it's not very nice to say that her teacher is mean. Especially considering how great her teacher is and how much Felicia really likes her. But her response is what is interesting. She'll then ask , "Can I say it in my head?" She's asking me if it is wrong for her to THINK things but not say them out loud. This puts Krissy and I in an awkward position but Felicia solved it for us one day when she started saying, "OK if I say it in my head I'll just ask God to forgive me." It's so simple for her.
Jesus said a lot of very cool, life-changing, world-altering, culture-shattering things when He walked around ancient Israel. One of His most well know concepts was the idea that each of us should strive for what He called a "childlike faith." What exactly Jesus meant by this is debatable in our world today but Felicia's recent concerns have helped to point me in what I feel is the right direction about it. When she asks, "Can I say it in my head," and then solves her serious moral dilemma with, "OK if I say it in my head I'll just ask God to forgive me," she demonstrates a childlike faith.
First, her concern is rooted in the right place. She isn't worried about where her next meal is coming from or whether or not the economy is going to turn around. She is simply worried about doing the right thing. She wants to make sure that even the things she THINKS are OK. Her priority is being a good girl. In fact, that is her only concern. But she doesn't stop there.
Felicia is realistic enough to know that she probably won't always do, say or even think the right things. So her very basic response is that she'll just ask God to forgive her and that'll be the end of it. She isn't concerned whether or not He will, she simply accepts that the act of asking forgiveness will take care of it. She also doesn't continue to beat herself up when it's over. She tells God she's sorry and moves on with her day.
For a five-year-old, Felicia seems to have a lot of things worked out that I, at 30 years old, am still trying to wrap my mind around. Fortunately for me, Felicia is there to teach me a few things about life, love, faith and God. Her philosophy is a simple one really. She just tries to be a good girl, the best girl she can be, and all she cares about being. But when she fails. When she says the wrong thing or even thinks something she's doesn't think she is supposed to, she simply asks God to forgive her and moves on with her life knowing that He will. I think I need to do that. To just try to be the best man that I can be and when I fail, to understand that God will forgive me and then move forward with my life; trying, once again, to be the best man I can be.
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