Last week we discussed some of the "whys" behind the idea that God thinks it's smart to wait until we are married to have sex. The idea that sex has, quite literally, caused so many problems in our world not unique. Human-beings have often taken something God created to be beautiful and enjoyable, and used it to such an extreme that it becomes distasteful and far from God's original design. But actual physical sex is only part of it. The act of sexual intercourse is very intimate and, quite pleasurable sure, but what about other acts? What is OK to do outside of marriage? You may be surprised to hear the kind of things happening today.
I have always been a fan of technology. Over the last century we have grown leaps and bounds technologically with each step helping to make the world smaller and smaller. It has opened up doors and methods of communication that would seem like "magic" just 75 years ago. But the technologies have also given rise to other types of sex. Phone sex, cyber-sex, webcam-sex, and the newer phenomenon referred to as "sexting" are rampant in our culture. In each of these, the parties involved never actually make physical contact. There is no real "sex" being had. It is simply a means by which people "inspire" themselves and each other during masturbation. But is it OK just because no one is actually having sex? I honestly believe this act is pretty much the same as actual intercourse. Sure there is no exchange of bodily fluids and no opportunity to pass on a disease but it is still a very very intimate scenario. Remember our discussion in Part 1 of this series about discussions of the most intimate details and corners of our minds being a way to draw us closer together as a husband and wife? So phone sex, webcam-sex, cyber-sex, and sexting open these highly intimate discussions up and create a false sense of intimacy which can be very dangerous outside of a fully committed, marriage relationship. It can be detrimental to you in the long run as well.
The same can be said in many ways for pornography which is highly available to pretty much anyone with an Internet connection. In this circumstance, the person using porn is lulled into the idea that "no one is getting hurt," because there is nothing intimate about it. No conversation is happening and there is no exchange of personal information or sexual discussion. But there is something deeper going on here. When you view porn in any form you are supporting the idea that it's OK for a man or woman to give themselves away for money. Let's make no mistake about that porn is a form of prostitution because it's sex in exchange for money. I don't care that they're called "actors" and I don't care if they aren't always having actual intercourse. They are giving a piece of themselves away and by viewing it we support it. By participating in it at any level, we are saying that it is acceptable for you to do this or show that in order to provide stimulation for random people. It's OK for you to become an object rather than an individual. Porn turns people into fantasies that are not real. It takes a human who God created in His image, and turns them into fiction. It dehumanizes them. And just because they were willing to do it or got paid for it doesn't make it OK for us to participate in robbing them of their humanity and removing the image of God in them. That is what porn does.
Finally friends we come to the "where do we draw the line physically" question. What are we allowed to do when we're not married? What if we're "in love" and want to express that physically? What if we're engaged? Please understand, i have asked these questions myself. Every relationship I was in prior to being married came with these questions. For me, I have to examine the the motive behind the questions. For example, there are many "alternatives" to actual intercourse that people think aren't actually sex. Hands can be used on one another to simulate sex. Oral sex has long been viewed as an "alternative." In recent years, many "good Christian girls" are using anal sex as a way to protect their virginity but still keep their boyfriend happy. It's quite sad really. Because in ANY of these cases, you're still giving yourself away. God tells us that a woman should never settle for anything less then a man who is willing to die for her. It tells us that a man should love and respect her enough to put his own agenda aside and give his very life for her. If you're willing to die for her then you should be willing to wait for her. So, once again, what is the motive behind asking how far you can go? the motive is to get as close to the line as we can without actually crossing it. (Which is an exercise in futility) As people who want to live the way of Jesus, we cannot afford to have the philosophy of "get as close as you can to sinning without actually doing it." So when we ask these questions to justify our actions we are creating a false foundation for our faith. Using you hands, mouths or anything else to simulate sex is just as intimate as actual sex and the idea that "The Bible doesn't actually say it wrong," is ridiculous. In the time it was written, the Bible didn't need to clarify what was sex and what wasn't because even seeing a woman you weren't married to let her hair down was very provocative. It doesn't say it's wrong because it assumes you ALREADY know it. Which, in your heart, you do.
Sex, IN ANY FORM, is a deeply personal and intimate expression. God created us as sexual being because He loves us and wants us to experience the ecstasy of that type of intimacy. He wants us to know what it's like to be loved physically an not just emotionally. Sex was created to help us build a stronger bond and deeper connection with our husband or wife. I am saddened that our culture has used it to drive us apart. Porn, phone sex, and justified simulated sex all end up pulling us AWAY from our original design. They destroy the image of God in us and rob us of our actual sexuality as a human. Sex, in any form, should bring you closer and closer to someone you've made a lifelong commitment to. Someone you're willing to set aside your agenda for. Someone you willing to die for.
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