-Sex Blog Part 1: Dirty Words-

Sex is an interesting topic. When I say it's interesting I'm not just referring to the appeal of discussing of sex and sexuality. I'm referring to the different reactions people have to the topic itself. Especially within the Christian population. It was such a taboo subject within the church for so long that even today, when we're able to talk about more freely than in any time in history, we still feel awkward or even "dirty" discussing sex. This is tragic for a number of reasons. So for the next few weeks I will be devoting my blog to the frank discussion of sex and sexuality. I hope to be concise and blunt yet respectful in the process and I hope and pray that anyone reading this will join the discussion even if you have only a quick thought.

Usually when Christians are talking about sex we are pretty much discussing the importance of waiting until you are married. Now, I want to make it clear that I whole-heartedly support the idea that it is better and more productive for you if you save your virginity as a gift for your future husband or wife. But I don't want to make my first "sex blog" about a topic that we have discussed into the ground already. I'll cover that in another blog. The main reason is that most of act like if you jut wait until you're married to have sex then everything will be all "fireworks and grins" for the rest of your life. But this couldn't be further from reality. We need to be able to discuss the issues that follow.

Even if you manage to wait until your married before jumping in the sack with someone you must be aware that sex is a very deeply profound and unique experience. Because of this is has the potential to cause great strife between a couple. Much of this comes from our preconceptions of what (1) sex is supposed to be like and (2) what role our spouse is supposed to play. I believe God designed sex to be a very unique and personal experience for a man and his wife and therefore the landscape of their particular sex-life will also be unique and personal. Your sex-life will be different than mine. What you do and how you do it will be different then what I do and how I do it. This means we must resist the urge to compare our sex-life with other people's. The grass is ALWAYS greener, especially for guys. One of your friends is always going to be having hotter, freakier sex than you are and doing it much more often. Resist the urge to take his or her stories home and try to impose them on your spouse because it can cause serious discomfort and embarrassment in a relationship where you are supposed to be the most comfortable. Besides, your friend is probably lying about his or her sex-life anyway.

Another major issue that will likely arise in EVERY marriage is about the sexual needs of BOTH people being met. Inevitably, one person will want to have sex more frequently than the other, (usually the man). This is unbelievably normal but there is no real "solution" I can speak of that will work for everybody. Our sex-drives are different and that, as they say, is that. The only thing I can really tell you to do is to try everything you can to understand. Ladies, read about a man's reaction to sex (or lack of it) physically and psychologically. Try to understand that a man's desire for sex goes well beyond simply "wanting" to orgasm but it is actually a biochemical need. Men try to understand that a woman views sex on a much deeper level then you do. The intimacy involved for goes well beyond a simple physical activity. You have to remember the physics of sex. For a woman, the act is LITERALLY internal in every sense of the word. Sex for a woman happens on the inside emotionally, physically and even spiritually and the connecting is very intense. This is why most women like to cuddle after sex. They FELL close to you so they want to BE close to you.

So, why would God make us so different? Why would he give us different needs when it comes to how often, and even specific activities we prefer? What was God thinking when He made us so different when comes to something so important like sex? I think one of the reasons was to make us talk. I think God made us so different when it comes to our sexual needs so that a husband and a wife would need to learn how to discuss them most intimate things of life. God is strong-arming us into being closer to our spouses then we are to anyone else. He pushing us toward having a relationship where we can be "naked and feel no shame" with one another the way Adam and Eve did. Not just physically naked but emotionally, spiritually and mentally naked. In making us sexually different God is find a way to drive us together. He is using something that separates us to bring us together. What a beautiful, wonderful idea.