-Change The World Through Procrastination-

I'm a total procrastinator. I know there are a lot of us out there. Our mantra is "Why do today what you can put of until tomorrow?" and one of these days I'm going to start a facebook group for us. The thing about knowing you're a procrastinator is that it really takes away any excuse you might have to not get something done. You lose the ability to even lie to yourself anymore once you realize you have a tendency to put things off. Then you're only a short step away from the understanding that procrastination is just another word for lazy.

Even typing that last sentence hurt a little. No one wants to be called lazy; especially if they actually are lazy. But self-actualization is important. Knowing you shortcomings and claiming them is step one in the process of allowing God to overcome them. My choice of words was very intentional. It is important to understand that YOU don't have to overcome your "flaws." It is important to understand that you are free from climbing that mountain alone. It is important to understand that God has a history of doing this for us if we just work WITH Him.

The Bible is filled with stories about people with flaws and shortcomings. One of the things that makes Scripture so compelling is that it is full of people just like us. Flawed, imperfect people who make one mistake after another. Here's some examples:

-Abraham was too old

-So was Sarah

-Jacob was a liar

-Moses stuttered

-He was also a murderer

-So was Paul

-David was too

-He was also an adulterer

-And a liar

-Peter denied Jesus

-He was also just a fisherman

-So were James and John

-The thief on the cross was a thief

-AND he was hanging on a cross

-Mary was a virgin

-Elizabeth was barren

-Lazarus was dead

-So was Jesus

-Paul was in prison

-Solomon had 300 wives (as well as mother-in-laws)

-Joseph was a slave

-Jeremiah suffered from depression

-Timothy was too young

-And Samson had long hair

Thats a lot of stinkin' shortcomings. But God manages to not only use these men and women despite these "flaws," in many cases He is able to use them BECAUSE of these "flaws." These people are all considered "Heroes of the Faith," (to use a Christianese phrase), and they are just as deeply insecure and troubled as I am. Shoot, I'm just a procrastinator. Surely if God can do powerful things through a murderer He can use me in big ways too. 

Acknowledge and even claim your shortcomings. Own up to them. Then let God start to work through you anyway. As he does you'll find yourself in a place where those shortcomings you once had are gone. They will have been eliminated through the sheer addiction of being used by God. I'm a procrastinator. But I'm not as bad as I was a year ago. And next year I'll be even better. And one day, if I work hard enough for God, I won't be a procrastinator anymore. If David can do what he did and still be loved deeply by God then I really have no excuse to not change the world. And neither do you.

-Guilt In Church Clothes-

Over the last few days I've been bombarded by the facebook phenomenon of "becoming a fan." If you don't know, basically what happens is that little messages pop up on the side of your facebook page with a tiny picture and a label and asks you if you'd like to be a fan. These things range from organizations like, "In-N-Out" or "Disneyland" to specific things like "cookie dough" or "The Office" and even activities like, "sleeping" or "jogging." Participation is completely voluntary but sometimes you just cant help it.

 

On facebook, I have "become a fan" of several things. Twitter, The Angels, Samoa Girl Scout Cookies, U2, Dr. Pepper, and Cow Bell are just a few examples of what I am a facebook fan of. But earlier this week I added three more things. Earlier this week I became a fan of "Jesus," "God," and "The Bible." (Sorry Holy Spirit but I haven't found a "become a fan" for you yet.) That got me thinking about how many other people became a fan f Jesus, God and the Bible more out of obligation than desire. I hate that idea.

 

I've never been a big fan of guilt, especially being guilted into something. Every now and then when Krissy and I are having an argument she or I will will throw something out there because we know the other person will feel guilty. It's stupid really. But the first time she did it I said, "Pack my bags!" The said, "What?" and I repeated, "Pack my bags." "Why?" she asked playing right into my hands and I closed the set up. I said, "Cause' I'm going on a guilt trip!" (Husbands, don't make jokes like this in the middle of arguments, it only increases the likelihood that you'll be sleeping alone that night.) But I wonder how many people feel guilted into being a facebook fan of Jesus.

It's like those Christian chain-letters that I HATE with every fiber of my body, mind, and soul. You know, the ones that always end with, "If you really love God, send this to 20 people bla bla BLA." Some of them even go as far as to say something like, "If you don't really want to stand up for God just delete this." (FYI to all my friends; I delete these immediately upon receiving them and never think about them again.) I seriously can't see Jesus talking to me after I die and being disappointed that I didn't forward the email to my friends. "Well John, Dad and I had big plans for you and Ghosty was all ready to make it happen. But then you deleted that email and it sent shock-waves throughout eternity that caused unparalleled repercussions. We thought Lucy, ha ha he really hates it when we call him that, was going to win there for a second."

 

I believe that Jesus came to set us free from guilt. To help us let go of the past and move forward instead. Jesus demonstrates this over and over again with Peter, the woman at the well, and the adulterous woman just to name a few. He says, "Nor do I accuse you." You can't be found guilty if you're not accused. But we Christians have dressed up guilt and given it a different name. Christian guilt is called, "conviction." Are you serious? Conviction is just guilt in church clothes. We can't be convicted if we're not accused either. So what's it called when we really do feel bad or awkward because we've done something we know God isn't fond of. I think a better word is "remorse". I don't think we feel convicted because Jesus didn't come to condemn. I think it is our heart and soul feeling remorse for letting our body take us a step away from God. Yeah, remorse is a better word.

 

Incidentally, I am a facebook fan of Jesus but not because I felt obligated. I wanted to. The word "fan" is actually short for the word "fanatic." If I'm going to be fanatical about something or someone, I think it should be Jesus. He was pretty fanatical about us so I'll gladly return the favor. But not out of guilt. Not out of conviction. Not out of obligation. Not even out of remorse. Out of joy. Out of love. Out of gratitude. Out of choice. I hope He doesn't get upset that I just deleted another Christian chain letter.

-Jesus: Alpha, Omega, Cosmic Umbilical Chord-

Being in the room for the birth of your children is a strange experience. At least it was for me. Watching my wife give birth is probably the most difficult thing I've ever been through. I know that sounds strange considering how difficult it was on Krissy but that's a subject for another post so for now we'll just leave it at that. But shortly after both Felicia and Ian were brought into the world the doctor handed me pair of scissors and directed me to cut the umbilical chord. So I did. (By the way, the umbilical chord has more girth to it than you'd think, it's not just a quick snip.)

There is power in the umbilical chord. So much power that I think only a mother can really fully grasp it. It links a child to it's mother for much longer than just the 9-and-a-half months of pregnancy. It connects them at a level that goes beyond the physical into the spiritual. When a child is hurt badly, their father tries to end their pain with everything in him, while their mother feels their pain with everything in her. That is the power of the umbilical chord. It's really quite beautiful and extraordinary.

 

Because of the deep and powerful link that the umbilical chord symbolizes, I've always found it quite the dubious honor to be the one responsible for severing the connection between my children and their mother. It's poetic really. From the day they were born I was pushing my children toward independence. Preparing them for life in this world that is much colder than the warm embrace of the womb they were accustomed to. A world that is noisy and where they can't hear mommy's heartbeat anymore.

 

I think this is one of the ways God shows us what happened all those years ago when Adam severed his connection with God. Humanity having to leave the Garden is like a baby leaving the womb. It must have been a shock to Adam's system. The world was colder, bigger, and noisier than he had ever known. There were dangers all around him that he never knew existed. And he couldn't hear God's heartbeat anymore. Because when you leave the womb, the umbilical cord must be cut.

 

But this isn't how we were created to live. The cosmic umbilical chord that connects our souls to God was never supposed to be cut. Our soul wasn't originally designed to leave the womb and God never had any intention of allowing the separation to persist. So, He provided a new cosmic umbilical chord. A new way to bring our souls back into the womb. Jesus came to not only be that connection, but to make it stronger than ever.

 

Interestingly enough, the powers that be during Jesus' time tried to sever that connection as well. You see, if our souls were connected to God once more, we wouldn't need them and the life they provided. God would be the one who provided us with our sustenance. So they killed Him. They pounded holes in Him and tried to break the connection to God that He represented. But it didn't work. Three days later Jesus was alive again. Demonstrating that this connection could not be broken. And He lives today, still demonstrating the unbreakable connection to God He represents.

 

That is what this Sunday is about. Easter is a reminder that God has provided our souls with a new umbilical chord link to Him. A reminder that no matter how many holes we pound into Him, the connection Jesus provides will never be broken. A reminder that our souls were not created to live in a cold and noisy world. A reminder that, through Jesus, we can once again hear the heartbeat of God. And that is the most comforting sound in the universe. Can you hear it?

-Felicia and Ancient Jewish Rituals-

I've said it a million times and odds are, I'll continue to say it until I'm dead: My kids have taught me more about God than anyone else. If you are a parent, you probably know exactly what I'm talking about. Our children will say and do things that somehow transcend the level of wisdom they should have for their age. I am convinced that this is because things like faith, life, and love aren't rally as complicated as we adults make them out to be. We somehow lose sight of the simplicity of them over time, usually in an effort to justify our behavior in one way or another. Young children don't really bare that burden though. They are simply living without any preconceptions or any real agenda to speak of. Maybe this is the "childlike faith" that Christians talk so much about.

 

A few years back, my wife's Grandfather died. It was a hard time for her because it was the first person close to her that she had lost. He was also the patriarch of the family which made it difficult for many of her relatives as well. Watching them say goodbye to him at his memorial, I could see how much his children and grandchildren would truly miss him.

 

If I recall correctly, my daughter, Felicia, was right around 3 years old, (give or take a few months), when this took place.  She attended the funeral with us and it was my job to keep her "under control." Because she was so young, she wouldn't understand the gravity of what a funeral was and so we thought it best for everyone if I simply kept her close. It would be quite embarrassing if she ran around the cemetery at the outdoor funeral service thinking she was at a park.

 

As the funeral began, Felicia did very well. She stayed quiet and remained close to me, fixated on the silence and somberness of the goings on. We stood off to the side of the gazebo because there were not enough seats to accommodate the number of people there and I felt it prudent to give the seats to family members and the seniors that were there. Felicia watched as the service began. In the front row she could see and hear the sights and sounds of her mother, grandmother, aunts, uncles, and cousins as they wept. Then something beautiful happened.

 

With no warning, Felicia let go of my hand, and walked over to the front row where the family was sitting. She quietly squeezed her way in between two family members that were crying and reached over to hold one of their hands. Then, as if by instinct, Felicia began to cry with them. Not because she understood that her great-grandfather had died, but because she saw people she loved hurting, and wanted them to know that she was hurting with them. Remarkable.

 

What Felicia didn't realize was that she was, in an indirect way, taking part in an ancient Jewish mourners ritual known as "sitting Shiva," where you simply sit and mourn with a loved one who has lost somebody close to them. Many Jewish families still practice this tradition today and to me, it is a very small glimpse into what Jesus had in mind for His church.

 

Remember, Jesus was Jew. He lives in a Jewish town, in a Jewish country, had a Jewish upbringing, celebrated Jewish holidays, said Jewish prayers and ate Kosher. Jesus would have likely taken part in sitting Shiva for others and perhaps have even had people sit Shiva for him. Jesus would have understood the importance of hurting with someone who is hurting. Remember when He asked Peter, James and John to pray with him on the night of his arrest? "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me."  (Matthew 26:38) But I think this was simply one facet in God's plan for us as a people.

 

Hurting with someone is only part of the plan. The Bible is full of the phrase "one another" for a reason. God is interested in not only restoring our relationship with Him, but also with one another. We were created in God's image. This is an image of community. The Trinity demonstrates to us that God's very nature is one of community and therefore, as God's image bearers, our nature is as well. We were created to know and love not only God, but also one another. This means we laugh, cry, smile, rejoice, mourn, celebrate, rest, love, and live with one another. Many of today's Christians call thins, "Doing life together," and it is a beautiful thing.

 

At 2 or 3 years old my daughter taught me what it means to really "do life" with one another. She did not know what was gong on, she simply saw those she loved hurting and so she decided she would hurt with them. She decided they shouldn't be alone. She decided to love with tears. And in doing so she became the most visual, real life, flesh and blood representation of Jesus that I have ever seen. I hope I can be more like she is.

-1 UP-

One of the greatest things about growing up in the time-frame I did had to be the incarnation of the NES. That's right, the Nintendo Entertainment System. Sometimes I really miss it. I own a PS2, (which I never play anymore), and now a Nintendo Wii currently but sometimes nostalgia gets the better of me and I just want to pop in a game cartridge and play Contra, or Metroid, or the classic; Super Mario Brothers. My favorite part of playing games like these is getting to that certain point when the game gives of a specific chime and the phrase "1 UP" appears somewhere on the screen. My brother and I called this, "getting a free man."

 

The free man was such a stress reliever. Especially if you were down to your last "life." The free man was like having permission to fail without fear of having the dreaded "GAME OVER" screen pop up. It was another chance to do better next time.

 

I think Jesus is a huge fan of the free man too. I imagine him smiling every time someone collects 100 coins in Super Mario Brothers. Because Jesus is all about giving us another chance. Jesus is all about giving us another opportunity to do better next time.

 

In the 8th chapter of John's Gospel, we're told about an incident when a bunch of angry religious people bring a women to Jesus. Apparently this woman was caught in the very act of cheating on her husband. This was a major "no-no" to the first century Jewish culture and the punishment called for was death by stoning. Not a pleasant way to die. Because Jesus is a Rabbi, they ask him what he thinks about all this and he responds with his well know answer, "Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her." You got to love that response! Everyone eventually leaves except Jesus and the woman and Jesus tells her that she hasn't been condemned and that she should go back to living, but living a different way. Jesus gives her a free man.

 

What strikes me most about this story though is that John writes two separate times that Jesus bent down and "wrote on the ground." For centuries scholars and theologians have speculated on what Jesus was writing. Some say he was writing the 10 Commandments, others theorize that he was writing the names and sins of the people in the crowd. There are all kinds of opinions but when all is said and done they are little more than a shot in the dark. John never tells us what Jesus was writing. Why not? Probably because it wasn't important to know WHAT Jesus was writing on the ground, it was only important to know THAT Jesus was writing on the ground.

 

John is a Jewish writer and he often employees a Jewish literary tradition known as "the principle of first mention." Essentially, the principle of first mention tells us that when we come across a significant word, phrase or general concept in this writing, to look and see where that significant word, phrase or concept is found in the Jewish Bible, (Old Testament). John does this all over his gospel record. If you want an example, find the first place John mentions "love" and then the first place the Old Testament mentions "love." It's pretty cool, especially if you are a Jew in the First Century. So what is the significance in this story? Well, the only other time we see God writing on the ground is back in Genesis... when he is creating mankind.

 

John is telling us that Jesus is doing something new here. He's creating a new humanity out of the old one he created thousands of years earlier. The new life he breathes into us is his phrase, "Nor do I condemn you. Go now and leave your life of sin." (John 8:11) Jesus is granting us a free man. This is what Paul was talking about when he wrote to the Corinthians, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" (2nd Corinthians 5:17) If we are in Christ we are not condemned, we were redrawn on the ground and given a new breath of life. We have a free man! We have an opportunity to try again and do better this time. Because Jesus, "bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger." (John 8:6) What are you going to do with your free man?

-My Stolen Instinct-

Watching my kids grow and learn is probably one of the greatest gifts I have been given. Seeing them discover who they are and what they are capable of is something I don't think I could ever get enough of. Just the other day I was playing with my 18 month old son and he went running down the hall yelling, "Ahhhhhhh," as I chased him. It occurred to me that he wasn't always able to run down the hall. He learned how to over time and in a series of steps.

 

There is something within us all, as human beings, that causes us to not be content with just laying around when we are infants. God has designed our minds and bodies with an inclination to be mobile. To be on the go. To move forward.  We're not content with just laying there on our back so we learn to roll. When we master that we try and try to lift our heads up until we can finally see what's in front of us. When we realize we can do that we begin to the hard work of pushing our chests off the floor and begin scooting forward.  After this we discover that we can get our legs underneath us as well and begin to crawl. But are we satisfied with that? No, we are driven to stand up tall and learn to walk. We try, and fail, a thousand times but there is something in us that will not let us give up. Finally, we take our first, real unassisted steps. What a great moment that is. Mom and dad may even write the date down so it's never forgotten. But that doesn't matter to us because we're not done yet. Soon we learn to run and then ride a tricycle, a bike, and eventually, learn to drive. Because from day one, there is just something in us that compels us to be on the move.

 

But something happens to us at some point in our lives. We become content and stop exploring our possibilities. When we're children we can be anything. Astronauts, athletes, world leaders and even super heroes. Our potential is limitless. But something happen along the way. We lose that instinct inside of us that longs to be on the go. To move forward. Or maybe we don't lose it. Maybe it's taken from us by our culture. Taken by the masses who have themselves given up and so they tell us we should do the same. It's just the way of the world. Welcome to reality. The sad thing is that these people usually mean well. Their motive is good because they are, "just trying to be realistic." It's all well and good to be "realistic" but it's the dreamers who change the world, not the realists. The dreamer walks on water while the realists watch from the boat.

 

Watching my son run down the hallway has reminded me to be a dreamer again. To reclaim that which was taken from me that I seemed to have let go so easily. To find within me that childhood instinct to be mobile. To be on the go. To move forward. God has a dream for my life and I am convinced that it is an unrealistic dream. A dream that goes beyond the safety of the realists and has me walking in the liquid footsteps of the dreamer. I hope I will muster the tenacity to follow those footsteps. And I hope you will too.

-Hollywood Is Right-

Did you watch the Oscars? Fortunately for me I teach a group of young adults each Sunday night so I wasn't subjected to too much of it. I've never really gotten caught-up in all the hype of celebrities patting themselves and each other on the back during the awards season. However I did catch the last few awards. One of these was "Best Actor" in a lead role and it was won by Sean Penn. Now, I think Mr. Penn is a terrific actor. He blew me away a couple years back with his role in "I Am Sam" and I'd love it if he did another role like his classic Jeff Spacolli in "Fast Times At Ridgemont High." But I found his comments awkward. In one breath he said that people who voted against gay marriage should fell ashamed, and in the next breath he praised our new President, Barack Obama, who has publicly stated on several occasions that he is against gay marriage. It seems that Mr. Penn is being slightly inconsistent. I am not commenting on gay marriage or President Obama here, I'm just pointing out a celebrity blunder that will likely go generally unnoticed.

I think it will go unnoticed because both supporting gay marriage and verbally complimenting the President are popular things to do right now for the Hollywood elite. And their biggest party of the year, the Oscars, is the best place to display how socially relevant you are. They all get dressed up in outfits that cost ridiculous amounts of money, (and claim to care about the poor and starving), then strut there wears on the red carpet for all to ooh and aah. Because in Hollywood, your image is everything. And can I tell you something? They're right about that. Image is everything.

Now before you start cursing me as a heretic hear me out. One day some of the religious leaders of the day figured they could throw Jesus off his game with a trick question. They asked Him if it was OK with Jewish Law for them to pay the taxes to Caesar that Roman Law required of them. So Jesus tells them to bring Him a coin and they did. He held it up to them and asked, "Whose image is this? And whose inscription?" (Matthew 22:20 [TNIV]) They answered Him correctly saying that the it was Caesar's image and Jesus responded saying, "Give back to Caesar was is Caesar's, and to God what is God's." (Matthew 22:21 [TNIV]) What a great answer! What strikes me most about it is His use of the word "image."

Jesus points out that since the currency of the day contained Caesar's image we should feel free to give it back to Caesars. The image on the coin is what determined who it should go to. Caesar's image, Caesar's coin. It's that simple. We give the coin back to Caesar because it has his image on it. But Jesus also said to give back to God what is God's.  How do we determine what that is?  To answer that we need to go back thousands of years before Jesus even said this.

In Genesis Chapter 1 verse 27 it reads, "So God created human beings in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them." (Genesis 1:27 [TNIV]) So what is it we're supposed to give back to God? He created our entire being in His image. We bare the image of God just as the coin bore the image of Caesar. Jesus insists that God isn't at all interested in who or what we pay taxes to, He's only interested in who or what we give OURSELVES to. Because He knows whose image is on us.

So what are we supposed to give back to God? Everything that we are! Ou bodies, our souls, our minds. Every breath and every heartbeat. Every fiber of our beings belong to God because we bear His image. His inscription has been on us since the day we began living and Jesus insists that we are to give it back to Him. What does this mean for my life? For yours? What changes must we make in order to pay what Jesus insists are the divine taxes we owe to God because we bare His image? God help me to give back to You what is rightfully Yours. Body, soul and mind. Each breath and each heartbeat. Every fiber of my being. Teach me how to give it back to You. Because I bare Your image. And image... is everything.

-Jesus Must Like Whoppers-

I remember one time when I was living in So Cal and had to use the 91 freeway to get to and from work. If you are unfamiliar with the 91 freeway let me just explain that there is NEVER a good time to take that freeway. Weekends, holidays, work days, mornings, afternoons, evenings, nights, and even in the twilight the 91 is bound to have you in stop-and-go traffic one way or the other. As I was in this traffic stand-still one day returning home from work and talking to God about something that was on my mind and heart for a while, He managed to use a billboard to speak into my life. A Geico car insurance billboard that I passed and read just about everyday all of the sudden became the voice of God. Because God can speak to us in strange ways. I wonder how many times I passed that billboard before I finally realized God was trying to tell me something.

 

Since that day I've always tried to be aware of what God might be using to speak to me. For the most part this has been successful but but other times I have found myself over-analyzing things. (See http://www,johndavidhall.blogspot.com/2008/07/housefly-vacation.html for example of this.) God has used all kinds of experiences and avenues to speak to me since then but Jesus must like Whoppers because last week He was speaking to me at a Burger King drive through. Or maybe he was there for the Chicken Fries. I guess that's not really important. I would like to share with you what He said to me.

 

as I was sitting in the drive-through, I looked up and saw a sign with a picture of that creepy looking King they use as a mascot. It read "Do you have what it takes to work for the King?" Instantly I began a personal inventory of whether or not I have the appropriate qualifications to work for "the King." But not the freaky-deaky Burger King guy. I was thinking about Jesus, the King of all creation. Did I really have what it takes to work for Jesus? Could I live up to that? Can any of us?

 

I let my brain and spirit marinade on these questions for a few days.  I allowed them to work on me and in me and in reality I am still very much trying to get the whole message God has for out of this. So far I have come to the conclusion that whether or not I have what it takes isn't really the issue. Moses, David, Mary, Noah, Peter, Esther, Jacob, Abraham, Sarah; none of them had what it took to do what God was asking them to do. They all felt inadequate and under-qualified and God managed to find a way to some great things through them anyway. So if I look at Scripture, it doesn't matter whether or not I have what it takes. That's not the real question.

 

So, what is the real question then? As I considered this I again began to think about the people God engaged with in Scripture. Moses was an insecure mess, David was just a delivery boy, Peter was a self-deprecating manic-depressant. I mean, God's family seems to be the dysfunctional in history. But as I kept examining these individuals and their actions and attitudes it struck me what the real question was.  It doesn't really matter whether or not I have what it takes.  What matters is whether or not I'm willing to take what He has.

 

Am I willing to grab hold of the life God has for me and hold onto it tightly? Am I willing to deny myself in order to take up the cross He has for me? Am I willing to place my own agenda aside and pick up His agenda in it's place? Who cares whether or not I'm qualified? What difference does it take whether or not I already have what it takes? The question is whether or not I trust that God will give me what I need to live the life He has called me to live. It's not my responsibility to make sure my resume fits the job description God is giving me. I job is ALREADY mine. There was no interview or application process. The decision to hire me was ALREADY made. I don't have to concern myself with having what it takes I just need to take what He has ALREADY given me and get to work.

 

P.S.

Is this making sense to anybody? I often post things that God is speaking to me about personally while I am still digesting it all. Am I simply writing a bunch of incoherent thoughts and trying to connect them or is this actually heading somewhere to people other than me? Let me know.

-Jesus and the Super Bowl-

The Super Bowl is Sunday.  Many of you don't care.  A few of you pretend to care.  Still others of you actually do care but not because you like either the Steelers or the Cardinals, but simply because it's the Super Bowl.  This is the category I fall in.  I love football.  The strategy, the nuances.  Really, I consider a football game to be a Soap Opera for men.  It has deceit, and drama, and sometimes violence.  Just no dialogue which makes it perfect for men.  But I digress. The last category of people are the ones who care about the Super Bowl because they are fans of one of the two teams.  As a Dolphin fan, this is not a category I have fit into since the early 80's.

These fans generally suffer from a temporary case of insanity who's symptoms include, (but are not limited to):

• Inexplicable increase in voice volume at random times.
• Desire to "high-five" total strangers.
• Celebrating someone else's accomplishments as if they were their own.
• Excessive shouts of "wooo hooo!" and/or "In Your Face!"
• Yelling at the television in the hopes that a coach or referee will hear them in their headphones.
• Excessive self decoration in only two or three colors; sometimes as severe as altering the color on ones skin.
• Denial of reality despite the use of video documentation, AKA: instant replay. (This particular symptom is known as "Raiderous Delirium" because it commonly occurs to fans of the Oakland Raiders throughout the NFL season.)

If you or someone you love shows sign of these symptoms this Sunday, I'm sorry to tell you that there is no known treatment at this time.  The good news is that their return to reality is fairly likely.  More so if the team they are cheering for loses.  If their team wins, they are likely to display some of these symptoms for up to 7 days.  Sometimes people are just too obsessive.

I once heard a Christian speaker suggest that as Christians, we should be able to get just as excited about Jesus as some people do about their favorite sports team.  Our zeal and boisterousness should be equal or greater to that of the thousands of fans that fill entire stadiums to see their favorite teams play.  Quite frankly, I don't know if that is such a good idea.

I don't think face painting, chest bumping and random, incoherent shouting is quite was Jesus had in mind. Besides, it would be difficult to eat ice-cream out of a miniature crown of thorns.  But what scares me the most is how close we really are to being belligerently fanatical about Christianity.  Think about it; we have our own bumper-stickers, T-Shirts, coffee cups, magazines, anthems, web-sites, jewelry, and even our own MINTS.  In a sense, Christians have out marketed major sporting franchises.  Christians can also be way too "In your face" about Christianity that ultimately makes people look at us like we're as psychotic as the scary raider fans who dress up like Gwar every week during football season.  (If you don't know who Gwar is, just do a google image search and you'll see what I mean,)  I don't think that's what Jesus died for.

Don't get me wrong, I believe wholeheartedly that we should be excited about the truth that has been revealed to us and I have nothing against "Christian" products like t-shirts and magazines. In a manner of speaking, this blog itself is part of the "Christian machine."  I think our zeal and excitement about Jesus should manifest itself in love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. (These attributes are described by Paul as "the fruits of the Spirit")  Look at that list of qualities again.  Now compare that to a fanatical admirer of a sports team.  Does the fan display any of those qualities?  I think Jesus had something much larger and more revolutionary in mind than a bunch of screaming "fans" to fill his divine stadium. I think Jesus wants us to be ON His team, not just fans of it.

-Why Christianity Needs Simon Cowell-

So last night Season 8 of American Idol premiered.  Even if you don't watch the show there is a 96.78% chance that you have a general understanding of how it works.  People get up and sing in front of some judges who critique their performance.  Sometimes they have positive feedback and other times they tear the contestant a new one.  In either case, the feedback they give is generally honest with different degrees of "bluntness" from each judge. But the judge that always gets the reaction is Simon Cowell.

Watching Simon give feedback to people for the first 3 or 4 weeks of each season is the whole reason I enjoy the show.  Is that wrong?  Every freaking year there is a veritable parade of tone-deaf people who are absolutely convinced that their vocal chords have been endowed with the voices of the angels.  Simon sees it as his personal mission to bring them back down to earth.  What strikes me is that just about all of these utterly hideous singers have people in their lives telling them that they are supremely talented.  Who are these people?  Why would you let your friend or kid or sibling embarrass him or herself on public television?  Some people think Simon is cruel for being so blunt with them.  I think it's their friends and family who are cruel for NOT being so blunt with them.  Isn't it better to know what we can and, especially, cannot do?

I think the same rules apply to someones area of involvement in a church.  I think the church would run better, more efficiently, and ultimately closer to God's design for it if 2 things happened.  (1) Christian quit being so stinking hypersensitive and (2) we Christians got ourselves a Simon Cowell.  One of my former pastors was absolutely right when he told me, "It's easier to get a person into a ministry than it is getting them out."  The fact that it's so true is what is so sad to me.  If you can't sing, you shouldn't be singing on the worship team.  If you have leather eardrums you shouldn't be doing sound.  If you have no patience and are annoyed with kids you should stay out of children's ministry.  If you can't remember lines get off the drama team.  But pastors and other church leaders can't say that to people because they'll freak out.

I think as a whole, Christians have become too self-involved with their service to their church. Too many people think that simply handing out a program or setting up chairs or even cleaning up after an event is beneath them.  People try to find a way to get stage time too much.  But what if that isn't what God called you to do?  What if that's what you're not made for?  There are lots of people in my church that LOVE to sing but that couldn't find a key in an empty room with a metal detector.  I hear them every week.  But just because you enjoy something doesn't mean it's what you're MADE to do.  Peter enjoyed fishing but he sucked at it and Jesus told him as much.  I think we need more of that.  I think we should be able to tell someone that they're just not operating in their God-given skill-set and that they need to try something else.  This will only be better for the church as a whole.  The problem is, just like those contestants on American Idol, too many Christians are convinced that they are supposed to be doing what they're doing and will actually leave the church if you tell them otherwise.  This is so sad.

That's the attitude that hamstrings church leaders.  they want to build a better, more effective church in order to make a larger eternal impact but the people in the church are so self-absorbed in doing what they want to do that they don't get it.  they don't see the bigger picture because their tunnel vision is pointed directly at themselves rather than the church as a whole.  The vast majority of these people undoubtedly love God and want to serve Him with all they have.  Their intentions are good, but nearsighted.  We need to be able to accept guidance from our spiritual leaders.  We need to trust that they are trying to build the best most effective ministries for the whole church.  If that means that we, as individuals, need to sacrifice some pride then that's the way is should be.  Jesus made a lot of sacrifices as did many of the first Christians.  They understood that they couldn't be so nearsighted and self-involved because there was something much bigger than them at stake.  In the book of Acts, it was an honor to be chosen to serve widows.  I think if our attitudes were the same, there would be beautiful and wondrous  results. But until then, I think Christianity needs Simon Cowell.

-Good Communication-

The key to good communication is brevity.

Happy New year everyone!

-A Five-Year-Old's Philosophy-

My daughter goes through strange phases.  I'm not sure how common they are but Krissy and I have grown accustomed to them over the last few years.  What she'll do is get really concerned about something and then keep asking us about it over and over again.  For instance, not long ago she was worried about using the toilet.  Why?  Because she was petrified that the toilet would clog. So every time she had to go the bathroom she would ask us, "Am I going to have an overflow?" This kind of thing goes on for months at a time.  But with her new O.C.D. she once again illuminates to me a theological life lesson.

Lately her concern has been whether or not she'll get in trouble for saying something wrong or whining too much.  She'll say something innocently that she probably shouldn't say like, "Jingle bells homework smells the teacher's really mean," and I'll let her know that it's not very nice to say that her teacher is mean.  Especially considering how great her teacher is and how much Felicia really likes her.  But her response is what is interesting.  She'll then ask , "Can I say it in my head?"  She's asking me if it is wrong for her to THINK things but not say them out loud.  This puts Krissy and I in an awkward position but Felicia solved it for us one day when she started saying, "OK if I say it in my head I'll just ask God to forgive me."  It's so simple for her.

Jesus said a lot of very cool, life-changing, world-altering, culture-shattering things when He walked around ancient Israel.  One of His most well know concepts was the idea that each of us should strive for what He called a "childlike faith."  What exactly Jesus meant by this is debatable in our world today but Felicia's recent concerns have helped to point me in what I feel is the right direction about it. When she asks, "Can I say it in my head," and then solves her serious moral dilemma with, "OK if I say it in my head I'll just ask God to forgive me," she demonstrates a childlike faith.

First, her concern is rooted in the right place.  She isn't worried about where her next meal is coming from or whether or not the economy is going to turn around.  She is simply worried about doing the right thing.  She wants to make sure that even the things she THINKS are OK.  Her priority is being a good girl.  In fact, that is her only concern.  But she doesn't stop there.

Felicia is realistic enough to know that she probably won't always do, say or even think the right things.  So her very basic response is that she'll just ask God to forgive her and that'll be the end of it.  She isn't concerned whether or not He will, she simply accepts that the act of asking forgiveness will take care of it.  She also doesn't continue to beat herself up when it's over.  She tells God she's sorry and moves on with her day.

For a five-year-old, Felicia seems to have a lot of things worked out that I, at 30 years old, am still trying to wrap my mind around.  Fortunately for me, Felicia is there to teach me a few things about life, love, faith and God.  Her philosophy is a simple one really.  She just tries to be a good girl, the best girl she can be, and all she cares about being.  But when she fails.  When she says the wrong thing or even thinks something she's doesn't think she is supposed to, she simply asks God to forgive her and moves on with her life knowing that He will.  I think I need to do that.  To just try to be the best man that I can be and when I fail, to understand that God will forgive me and then move forward with my life; trying, once again, to be the best man I can be.

-Don't Stop In Fog-

It was foggy when I drove into the office this morning.  Not too bad but enough to make you pay a little more attention than you normally do.  I got in my car, pulled out of the driveway and headed toward the freeway to get to work.  As I trekked the thin fog I made sure to keep my speed down a little from what it usually is and to turn my headlights on.  I began to remember times when I drove through dense fog.  Fog that made it difficult to see even 20 feet feet in front of me.

I was on the 71 during most of these times, heading home late at night to Corona from San Dimas where Krissy lived when we were dating.  The fog got so bad at some points that me and the few other drivers on the road turned on our hazard lights for a little more visibility.  at first I wasn't sure if this was a great move but then I saw a CHP unit that was doing the same thing so I figured it was OK.  I would also slow down quite a bit as to not come up behind another car too fast.  But one thing I didn't do, ever, was stop.  Because stopping and sitting there until the fog clears up could do more harm and be a grater risk than if I just kept moving forward.

Stopping in that situation would be a huge mistake.  Not only would I not get to where i was going, but I would put my vehicle and myself in danger too.  When things get foggy while driving, you should continue to move forward at a safer slower pace but you shouldn't actually stop.  I think the same is true for our spiritual life as well.

I cannot tell you how many times I have heard Christians say that they aren't moving forward with something because they are "waiting on God."  I hate that expression.  I think most of the time it's just an excuse to not actually make a decision or have to do something.  Don't get me wrong, I know that there are some people who are honestly and earnestly seeking God's direction, but most of the time I don't think this is the case.  I think most of the time we think if we move we'll fail and so we fail to move.

I think the biggest reason I hear for this failure to move is that we want to make sure that this is what God wants us to do.  Whether is has to do with school, work, relationships, ministry or whatever else, many Christians are totally paranoid about making a move or a change that they want to make because they're afraid that it's not what God really wants.  They know where they want to go, but the road seems a little foggy and the way isn't crystal clear so they just stop.  So how should we handle these situations?

Psalm 37:4 says: "Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of you heart."  Many of us have heard this verse over and over again but I think we miss all of what it is saying.  We read it to mean that if we honor God and seek Him, he will give us the things that our hearts want most.  While there is some truth to this, I think it's only half of the real meaning here.  I read it as saying that if we honor God and seek Him, then He will give our hearts the things that they should desire.  It's the same verse from a different angle.

This view of this verse has given me permission to move forward even if the road in front of me is foggy.  because rather than knowing I want to do something and having to wait for God's answer as to whether or not I should do it, I view my desire to do it as His answer.  in other words, God is the one who gave me the desire to do it in the first place.  if what I am seeking is not destructive to myself, to others, or to the church, then what is my hesitation?  If it honors God, then I move forward believing He is the one who put that desire in my heart.

Sometimes the way is crystal clear and I can coast forward with great speed and ease because God has cleared the path for miles ahead.  Sometimes the way isn't so clear though.  It is during these times when i proceed with caution, slowing my pace and taking steps to avoid damaging myself or the vehicle carrying me.  But I don't stop moving forward.  because stopping and sitting there until the fog clears up could do more harm and be a greater risk than if I just kept moving forward.

Are you waiting to hear from God about something before you move on it?  Is there a choice you want to make or something you want to do but are afraid of doing it because the road in front of you seems foggy?  Why are you waiting?  If what you want to do is not destructive to you, to others, or to the church then maybe your desire to do it is the answer you're looking for.  Sure, if the road isn't clear, you should proceed with caution.  But don't just sit there. Move forward through the fog.  Don't just sit in it.

-How Many Times Do I Have To Ask?-

So last week I began a two part “blog series” with the idea that when Jesus asked Peter, “Do you love me more than these?” He was talking about the fish that Peter had just caught. I won’t recap it because if you really want to, you can just read it again so I’ll just pick up where we left off in the 17th Chapter of John’s Gospel. Continuing from last week it reads:

When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me more than these?" "Yes, Lord," he said, "You know that I love you." Jesus said, "Feed my lambs." Again Jesus said, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me?" He answered, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Take care of my sheep." The third time he said to him, "Simon son of John, do you love me?" Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, "Do you love me?" He said, "Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Feed my sheep. I tell you the truth, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go." Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, "Follow me!"

So here is Jesus who just guts Peter by asking him whether or not he loves Him more than some dead fish and Peter responds by saying, quite sincerely, that Jesus already knows that he love Him. But then Jesus asks again, and then a third time and Peter responds the same way each time. But the third time Jesus asked, John records that, “Peter was hurt.” Why was Peter hurt? The common teaching I’ve heard on this is that Jesus asked Peter three times because Peter had denied Jesus three times and by affirming his love for Jesus three times, Peter was now “even” and could once again assume his role an Apostle. I think there is much validity in this reasoning but I think it misses it a little.

If you read the Gospels, you will see they paint a picture of Peter as someone who is very self-deprecating. Peter strikes me as a man who wants to do the right thing so bad, that sometimes he speaks or acts too soon. In fact, Jesus corrects Peter more times in the Gospels than the other 11 apostles combined. In short, all his mistakes weigh heavily on Peter and he demonstrates very little self-esteem. Peter seems to have the idea that he can’t do anything right. I mean look at his occupation. He was a fisherman by trade but both times we see him fishing in the Gospels, he sucks at it. Seriously, the only recorded times of Peter catching any fish are because Jesus intervened. So what does all this have to do with Jesus asking Peter if he loves Him three times? Jesus was making a point.

Of course Peter loved Jesus. Peter knew and Jesus knew it. Peter even said, “You know that I love you,” all three times Jesus asked. I think Jesus real message was more about making Peter feel OK about what happened than anything else. He didn’t ask him so that Peter would be “even.” Jesus’ death and resurrection already made Peter “even” and Jesus would have known this. This questioning was about Peter knowing he was “even.” It says “Peter was hurt,” when Jesus asked the third time because in asking three times, Jesus is once again saying so much more. Can you hear the rant hidden so gently in Jesus’ words? “There Peter! If you say you love me three times will you stop feeling sorry for yourself? If you feel like I know you love me will you get over this whole denying me thing? Can’t you understand? Do you know why you suck at fishing? It’s because it’s not what you’re supposed to be doing! I told you when we met that, “From now on you will fish for men.” Do you know what “from now on means?” So get up and lets go! Stop feeling sorry for yourself! You have no idea how much of an impact your life will have on this world. So take my hands, the ones with holes in them that were put there so could stop feeling guilty, get up and get moving.”

Jesus wanted to Peter to accept the fact that the past is that past and not the present. Jesus wanted Peter to accept that he had denied Him but to also accept the fact that Jesus is already past that. Maybe Peter couldn’t let it go but he could certainly move on. And the same is true for us. What is it about you that you can’t move on from? What is holding you back from being what Jesus has called you to be? Not just your occupation but your effectiveness. What is it that is holding you back and how many times does Jesus have to ask YOU if you love Him before you finally get it? For Peter, it only took three times. I think for most of us, it’ll take more. So the next time you meditate on Jesus. The next time you are in prayer. Listen for His voice. Listen for that question. Because He’ll ask it as many times as He has to until it sinks in. “Do you love me? Do you love me? Do you love me?”

-What's Your "These"?-

So this is actually going to be a two-part blog about a few things that have been working on me lately. Fortunately for anyone reading this, I have no story to tell to lead into my point like I usually do. But I want to discuss a couple of things that have been on my mind. Not detail things but big picture things about life. Both topics can be pulled from the story of an encounter that the disciples, and more specifically Peter, had with Jesus after His death and resurrection. The story is found recorded by John in the 21st chapter of his gospel. Verses 11-15 read:

"Simon Peter climbed aboard and dragged the net ashore. It was full of large fish, 153, but even with so many the net was not torn. Jesus said to them, "Come and have breakfast." None of the disciples dared ask him, "Who are you?" They knew it was the Lord. Jesus came, took the bread and gave it to them, and did the same with the fish. This was now the third time Jesus appeared to his disciples after he was raised from the dead. When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, "Simon son of John, do you truly love me more than these?"

If you’re anything like me, when you read this and get to the part where Jesus asked Peter if he loves Him, “more than these,” your first inclination is to think the “these” Jesus is talking about are the other disciples. But when we really consider that question, wouldn’t it be an inappropriate thing for Jesus to ask given that the other disciples were all sitting right there? And wouldn’t be even more inappropriate and arrogant for Peter to respond, “yes I do.” Especially when you consider that the author of this gospel refers to himself as, “the disciple whom Jesus loved,” throughout the gospel. When I really started thinking about it, I can’t imagine Jesus was talking about the other disciples. So then who are the “these” Jesus is talking about?

If we examine the story a little closer we see that the disciples had just been fishing, (unsuccessfully), but once again Jesus showed up and helped out. Exactly like he did the first time Peter met him. We are told that they dragged the net in and there were 153 large fish and that they ate some of them for breakfast. When they are done eating, Jesus poses His question to Peter. I am convinced that the “these” in Jesus’ question were the fish. Jesus was asking Peter if he loved Him more than he did the fish. But why?

Well, if you’ll recall, Peter was a fisherman prior to being one of Jesus’ talmudim, (disciples). It was the family business and, before following Jesus around for about three years, it’s all he knew. Then something Peter did not plan happened. Jesus was arrested and executed. Peter was crushed. His Rabbi and Messiah had been killed. Then a few days later Peter was told that Jesus had risen from His grave. Not long after this Jesus actually appeared before Peter and others and proved His resurrection to them. How frightening, and beautiful would that be to Peter? But Jesus’ appearances were erratic and unpredictable so Peter couldn’t just follow Him around like he had before. So, not knowing what to do, Peter went back to the only life he knew. He went back into the family business and started fishing again. An interesting decision I think and I don’t think it was the one Jesus was hoping for. So He paid Peter another visit and asked him, “Do you love me more than these (fish)?” Because when you meet the resurrected Jesus, life shouldn’t ever be the same.

Jesus question to Peter was to prod him in the right direction. You can almost taste the divine sarcasm of such a question. In those seven words Jesus was able to convey several questions to Peter. “You’re fishing again Peter? Weren’t you paying attention Peter? Who gave you the name Peter to begin with? Do you remember when I first called you that? It’s because you knew who I really am. You were the first to say it out loud. I named you Peter, (rock), because there is strength in you. There is power inside of you Peter. And here you are, right back where I found you…fishing. God has made you for so much more!”

Peter loved Jesus and knew, even more than we do today, that Jesus was and is the Christ. He followed Jesus for three years of his life and was even willing to kill to defend Him. But obviously Peter allowed areas of his life to be totally unaffected by his encounters with the resurrected Christ. And Jesus wasn’t about to let that slip by. So He did something about it.

I think many of us Christians today are the exact same way. We have met the resurrected Jesus. We get filled with zeal and passion. Then when we don’t “see” Him for a while our lives go back to business as usual. But God has created us for more than just business as usual. Our WHOILE life should be transformed not just the bits and pieces that make us feel “right.” Jesus asked, “Do you love me more than these?” For Peter, the “these” were fish. If Jesus visited you, and asked you the same question, what would you “these” be? What would your “these” be?

“Do you love me more than these?”
-Jesus

-Well or Good?-

I love my daughter. I know that's an obvious statement that most parents can and will make, (providing that they have a daughter), but I like making it anyway. Felix, (her name is Felicia but we call her Felix), and I have the quintessential daddy-daughter thing going and I couldn't love it more. She is amaz-za-zing. She looks like her mom but talks like her dad. Seriously, she is a sarcasm prodigy. One of our friends once said that watching her is like seeing Krissy act like me. A frightening thought in theory but somehow Felix makes it work and I fall more and more in love with her every day.

As part of being her daddy, I usually put Felix to bed at night. This consists of reading her a story, praying with her, and then dealing with about 15 minutes of her stalling with things like wanting "cold water" or another hug and kiss or her ceiling fan on or a tissue or a specific doll or a different CD in her radio. She has mastered drawing out her bedtime process sometimes causing me intense frustration. But generally, I get over it.

As I said, part of this process is that she and I pray together. We take turns with one of us praying one night and the other the next. When Felix prays, she will usually make sure to pray for each person in our family individually. Whether she does this out of genuine love or out of a desire to stall bedtime a little longer, I'm not sure. Probably a little of both. But as she was doing this last week she asked God, "Help Ian to grow big and strong. Help me to not get in trouble. Help mommy not have a headache," (something I pray for constantly as well), "And help daddy do good at church…" And with those words my five-year-old daughter gave me yet another lesson to consider.

For those of you who don't know, I work at a church. So Felix was simply intending to pray for me to do the best job I can while at work. But her choice of words is important. She said, "Help daddy do GOOD at church." Grammatically this sentence is not proper for the way she intended it. She meant, "Help daddy do WELL," but that's not what she said. Dictionary.com defines well as "commendably, meritoriously, or excellently." But it defines good as "morally excellent; virtuous; righteous." The difference isn't exactly subtle.

We all want to do well. We want to achieve new things and accomplish certain goals and complete certain tasks. We want to ensure that we will continue to have a job so we can pay our bills and support ourselves and/or our families. We want to be recognized as being proficient at what we do and have the respect from others that comes along with it. We all want to do well. Unfortunately, our culture has become obsessed with doing well even at the expense of doing good. Yes, we all want to do well. But not everybody cares about doing good.

Doing good is harder than doing well. It requires us to think outside of our own agendas and our own goals. It requires us to act in a selfless manner. Doing good requires that we actually care. Doing good requires that we act for the benefit of someone else and usually calls for some degree of personal sacrifice. Doing good is harder than doing well. Because doing good requires that we do well. But doing well doesn't require that we do good.

To do the most good I can I must also achieve personally. If I do well I will invariably have more opportunity to do good. More time, more resources, more insight and more experience are all byproducts of doing well. Therefore I will be able to turn around and use those things to do good. In short, the better I am at doing well, the more opportunity I'll have to do good.

But our culture has made it so easy to just achieve. I mean think about it; how do we measure someone's importance to society? If they have the bigger house, nicer car, better boat, greater education and fancier title they are considered more important. But how many people have all of those things but allow it to only benefit themselves? Compare that to the person who lives in a modest home, drives a Chevy Malibu, doesn't have a boat and has the title of auto mechanic but takes time each week to volunteer at a soup kitchen, or gives money to organizations that dig wells for people in Africa. Which one has directly made a more valuable impact on those around them? That's the difference really. We do well for ourselves but be do good for others.
In my life and in my job doing well is similar to other jobs. It means hitting goals and accomplishing certain tasks. It means learning and growing and maintaining. But even in a church, no especially in a church, just because I've done well doesn't mean I've done good. And sometimes it's easy to lose sight of which is more important. Well or good? Well or good? Well or good?

-Tweet Me A Life Lesson-

On my way in this morning my phone beeped alerting me that I had just received a text message. Being the irresponsible driver that I am, I grabbed my phone and diverted my attention from the road in front of me to the small 1.5’ by 2.5’ screen on my LG Voyager phone. I feel like I should have a “Don’t text and drive” disclaimer at this point but really, would anyone care what I have to say on this subject? Especially after just confessing to do it myself. I will say that if you’re in California, texting and driving will be illegal come January so there you go. Anyway, on with the story.

The text was actually a “tweet”; that is to say it was an update from someone I’m following on twitter. The tweet came via a good friend and mentor of mine named Billy, (yes, the same Billy I mentioned in last week’s post); indicating that today, October 15, 2008 is his and his wife’s 20th wedding anniversary. 20 years is a long time. Some of you reading this may not even have been alive for 20 years yet so you know what I mean. To be cohabitating, loving, being loved by, learning, raising kids, paying bills, cleaning, working, and growing with someone for 20 years is pretty impressive I think. It makes my seven years of marriage seem quite minimal but based on my seven years, (not a single one of which I would trade in or change), I can say with confidence that going 20 takes a lot of love, patience, understanding, compromise and most importantly…arguing. Because you can’t live with someone for 20 years without having a few yelling matches. What fun would that be? So how have my friend Billy and his awesome wife Annie managed to do it? He once told me about their marriage philosophy which I will share with you. At least, what I took from it.

Most people probably view marriage as a 50/50 type of an arrangement. It’s a “give and take” philosophy about knowing when to give and knowing when to take at the right times as to make both of you relatively satisfied that you are getting as much out of the marriage relationship as you are giving to it. In short, the idea is to give 50% of the time and take 50% and both of you will break even in the end. On the surface this seems like a great arrangement. A simple and logical, mathematical formula ensuring the “contentness” of all parties involved. The problem is that relationships, especially marriage relationships, are anything but simple, logical and mathematical. They are messy and abstract without fixed lines and permanent definitions. Knowing this, Billy and Annie have developed a different formula.

Billy once told me that in his marriage they do their best to apply not a 50/50 type of philosophy, but a 100/100 one. The idea is that if they are giving 100% of themselves to their spouse and their spouse is giving 100% to them, it becomes a win-win scenario. This made such a huge impact on me because Billy and I had this conversation shortly before my wife and I married. Now, when we talked about it, it just seemed to flow naturally out of the conversation we were having. But as I look back to that conversation knowing what I now know about Billy, I think that he was steering the conversation in that direction intentionally to help set me up to have a healthy marriage.

I loved this philosophy from the word “go” and Krissy and I have done our best to use it in our own marriage. Sometimes we’re successful, sometimes we’re not. I have also found this idea to be a manifestation of how the Apostle Paul describes the marriage relationship in 1st Corinthians 7:4. He writes, “The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.” Billy and Annie give 100% of themselves to one another because they realize that they belong to each other and not just themselves. I think this is beautiful.

But today, as I read Billy’s tweet and marveled at how awesome it is to see two people love each other so much for so long a time, I began to expand their philosophy beyond marriage and ask myself a few questions. What if I gave 100% of myself to my children too? What if I gave 100% of myself to my friends? My co-workers? My neighbors? My Bankers? My grocery store clerks? My waitresses? My fellow commuters? What if I gave 100% of myself to my fellow human beings everywhere? What would that look like? Is that what Jesus had in mind when he said, “Love one another. As I have loved you so you must love one another.”?

What if I could do that? And what if I could, by doing it, inspire others to give 100% of themselves as well? What would that look like? Imagine. What would that look like? I think it would be beautiful.


P.S.

Thanks Billy. You continue to challenge me toward greatness without even trying or know that you’re doing it. People like you don’t come around often and I’m glad God put me in your flight path.

-Who Are You Really?-

Not too long ago I was having lunch with a friend, (another Pastor), and he was telling about a speaker he had recently went to see. As he recanted his experience of seeing and listening to this man, you could tell how deeply the experience affected him. It was obviously a defining moment in his life and he was adamant about not walking away from the experience unchanged. I have much admiration for this attitude of his and have really let his response to that experience speak into my life as well.

When the speaker was finished and the event was drawing to a close, my friend approached him to speak with him. As he told me about his conversation with the man something he said struck me. He said he told the man, "Whatever it is that you have, I want it." I have heard that statement before over and over again actually and usually not in the same way that my friend meant it. I know what my friend meant when he said it and I admire his tenacity in going our and trying to become who he was made to be. But usually when I hear the statement, "Whatever it is you have, I want it," it means something else.

In the Pentecostal environments I have been in, this statement usually has something to do with obtaining some gift or power instilled by the Holy Spirit. There have been several "movements of the Spirit" over the past 15 years or so and that is when I hear this statement most. The problem with this statement is that it is the very definition of envy, which the Bible tells us is a sin. This puts me in an awkward place when I hear the statement.

For me, the idea of wanting what someone else has is an issue of discontent with what you do have. Even when it comes to Spiritual gifts, which are good things, it creates an attitude of discontent. When we want the gifts and abilities that God has given someone else, what we are saying is that we are not happy with the gifts and abilities that He has given us. We are saying that we would rather have what God wants for others than what God designed for us. This can be such a destructive way to view things.

In almost every ministry position I've held, paid or unpaid, I have made this error. I have tried to be someone else. Someone I wasn't created to be. I modeled my speaking style after someone else, my speaking content after someone else, my administrative strategy after someone else, my mentoring style after someone else, and in doing so I left no trace of myself in any of it. This only works for so long. The person I really was invariably began to come out, often to the detriment of the persona I was trying to create. One day I decided to stop trying to be a carbon copy of my mentors and only recently have I really begun to get a sense of who I am in ministry. This process is ongoing still today as I try to glean lessons and wisdom from what my mentors have taught me rather than try to become my mentors themselves.

To give you an example of what I mean I need to tell you about one of my mentors. His name is Billy and he is a natural born mentor. He invests himself fully into people and sometimes even gets hurt because of it. He feels deeply for people and because of this he bears their burdens with them. It also makes him a bit of crier but we won't get into all of that. Because Billy is so gifted at connecting with and raising up others, I tried to model myself after him when I was attempting to mentor others. The problem with this is that, even though Billy and I have some similarities, we are very different people. So my trying to become him was actually destructive to my goal of mentoring others. What I am now learning to do is take the things I learned from him and altar them to fit my personality and skill-set rather then altar my personality and skill-set to fit the lessons. Lessons from him like, "Be intentional about bringing them into your world," or "Ask them the tough questions," are easily transferable into any context and I missed the point years ago when he taught me these things.

I am finally in a place where I am not only content with who God is making me into but excited about it. Billy is one of many mentors whose lessons are paying off huge dividends currently because I have learned the hard lesson of being who I am. Being who God created me to be. So next time you find yourself wishing you were more like someone else or wishing you had something they have, please, learn from my mistakes rather than repeating them, and altar the lesson to fit your personality rather than trying to altar your personality to fit the lesson. Because who you really are will always come pouring out and usually at very inconvenient times.