Showing posts with label Personality. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Personality. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

-Who Are You Really?-

Not too long ago I was having lunch with a friend, (another Pastor), and he was telling about a speaker he had recently went to see. As he recanted his experience of seeing and listening to this man, you could tell how deeply the experience affected him. It was obviously a defining moment in his life and he was adamant about not walking away from the experience unchanged. I have much admiration for this attitude of his and have really let his response to that experience speak into my life as well.

When the speaker was finished and the event was drawing to a close, my friend approached him to speak with him. As he told me about his conversation with the man something he said struck me. He said he told the man, "Whatever it is that you have, I want it." I have heard that statement before over and over again actually and usually not in the same way that my friend meant it. I know what my friend meant when he said it and I admire his tenacity in going our and trying to become who he was made to be. But usually when I hear the statement, "Whatever it is you have, I want it," it means something else.

In the Pentecostal environments I have been in, this statement usually has something to do with obtaining some gift or power instilled by the Holy Spirit. There have been several "movements of the Spirit" over the past 15 years or so and that is when I hear this statement most. The problem with this statement is that it is the very definition of envy, which the Bible tells us is a sin. This puts me in an awkward place when I hear the statement.

For me, the idea of wanting what someone else has is an issue of discontent with what you do have. Even when it comes to Spiritual gifts, which are good things, it creates an attitude of discontent. When we want the gifts and abilities that God has given someone else, what we are saying is that we are not happy with the gifts and abilities that He has given us. We are saying that we would rather have what God wants for others than what God designed for us. This can be such a destructive way to view things.

In almost every ministry position I've held, paid or unpaid, I have made this error. I have tried to be someone else. Someone I wasn't created to be. I modeled my speaking style after someone else, my speaking content after someone else, my administrative strategy after someone else, my mentoring style after someone else, and in doing so I left no trace of myself in any of it. This only works for so long. The person I really was invariably began to come out, often to the detriment of the persona I was trying to create. One day I decided to stop trying to be a carbon copy of my mentors and only recently have I really begun to get a sense of who I am in ministry. This process is ongoing still today as I try to glean lessons and wisdom from what my mentors have taught me rather than try to become my mentors themselves.

To give you an example of what I mean I need to tell you about one of my mentors. His name is Billy and he is a natural born mentor. He invests himself fully into people and sometimes even gets hurt because of it. He feels deeply for people and because of this he bears their burdens with them. It also makes him a bit of crier but we won't get into all of that. Because Billy is so gifted at connecting with and raising up others, I tried to model myself after him when I was attempting to mentor others. The problem with this is that, even though Billy and I have some similarities, we are very different people. So my trying to become him was actually destructive to my goal of mentoring others. What I am now learning to do is take the things I learned from him and altar them to fit my personality and skill-set rather then altar my personality and skill-set to fit the lessons. Lessons from him like, "Be intentional about bringing them into your world," or "Ask them the tough questions," are easily transferable into any context and I missed the point years ago when he taught me these things.

I am finally in a place where I am not only content with who God is making me into but excited about it. Billy is one of many mentors whose lessons are paying off huge dividends currently because I have learned the hard lesson of being who I am. Being who God created me to be. So next time you find yourself wishing you were more like someone else or wishing you had something they have, please, learn from my mistakes rather than repeating them, and altar the lesson to fit your personality rather than trying to altar your personality to fit the lesson. Because who you really are will always come pouring out and usually at very inconvenient times.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

-What Eric Clapton Taught Me About Life-

I have a very specific way to read books. I didn’t copy it from anyone nor was it ever suggested to me to read books this way. It has simply evolved over time to what it is today and it seems to work for me. The way it works is like this.

I am usually reading three books at any given time. One of them is my primary book that is the one I read most often. Usually this book is about faith, life, or self-improvement of some type. The goal is for it to challenge the way I think and give me different perspectives on life, leadership, ministry, relationships, faith and abstract things like that. The second of the two is generally very informational. Lost of facts, statistics, timetables, and words I have to look up in order to understand. These books usually feed the left side of my brain and often times are very tough reads but have great information. The last of the three books is usually a book that I am strictly reading for enjoyment. Sometimes fiction and sometimes not, they usually pertain to subjects like music, mythology, politics, or history. Sometimes, such as currently, I supplement these books with a fourth just for kicks. A fourth book has no set agenda it’s just a book I want to read for one reason or another and it usually takes me a long time to get through it. The books I’m in right now are:

1. “Who Stole My Church?”, by Gordon MacDonald
2. “The Language of God”, by Francis S. Collins
3. “Clapton – The Autobiography”, by Eric Clapton
4. “A History of God”, by Karen Armstrong

The strange thing about my current reading list is how much I am actually learning about myself from reading Eric Clapton’s autobiography. Now, if you don’t know who Eric Clapton is then I’m sorry, I don’t think we can be friends. Never the less I’ll explain that he is a guitar virtuoso and one of the most famous musicians of all time. His career is now in it’s fifth decade and he is arguably the best guitar player alive today and possibly ever.

In his autobiography, Clapton spends time first describing his addiction to heroine for a few chapters and then describes his alcoholism for a few more. From the early 60’s to the 80’s the guy did everything and everyone he could. Eric Clapton, it seems, is addicted to addictions.

This idea got me thinking about myself. You see, moderation does not come naturally to me. One look at me and you’ll think, “Wow, that guy really likes fried food and cheesecake,” and you’d be absolutely right. But my “addictive personality” stretches far beyond food. I, (like many parents I know), am also addicted to my children’s laughter. But it doesn’t stop there either. I’m addicted to my wife’s smile, (and other things about my wife I won’t mention here), spending time with friends, certain songs, my faith, Dr. Pepper, “Heroes”, and sarcasm. It seems that I, like Clapton, am addicted to addictions.

This type of personality has some very huge plusses. It means that I commit to things 100%. It means I am loyal and value loyalty. It means once I commit to something I see it out to either its success or it’s dismal failure. It means that I would take a bullet for those close to me without hesitation. It means that when people around me succeed, it is a victory for me too.

Unfortunately, it also comes with serious personality flaws. It means I can be hurt easily. It means I get frustrated easily. It means I have a hard time seeing when it’s time to cut my losses and give up on something that is destined for failure. It means I don’t know when to shut my mouth. It means I lose sleep if everything isn’t full of roses and sugar-cookies. It means I can be really paranoid and take things way too personally. It means I can be way too competitive even in the trivial things. Basically, it means I’m a basket case.

But reading Clapton’s descriptions of his battles with addictions makes me realize that we all struggle with ourselves. Even guitar gods. Even Presidents. Even mega-church pastors and world-famous evangelists. Even powerful C.E.O.’s. Even Biblical heroes. Even Hollywood royalty. Even violent dictators. Even brilliant scientists. And even obscure bloggers in Central California. It’s all of us. Every last soul on earth.

I am learning that my weaknesses are a part of me even when they get in my way. I am learning that I am wired like this for a reason even if I haven’t discovered it yet. I am learning that God knew what he was doing when he created me even if I don’t. I am learning to rely on my strengths even when I can’t predict the outcome. I am learning to be cautious of my weaknesses even when every fiber of my being wants to just ignore the writing on the wall and push through. I am learning that the struggle to “have it all together” is one I can never win. But I am also learning that that struggle is still worth it to make. Because nothing with true value ever comes without a struggle.
And that is what Eric Clapton taught me about life.