-Jesus Blog Part 3: Love & Insecurity-

I'm a people-pleaser. Like most pastors, I am wildly insecure, (though few will admit how deep their insecurity runs). So I work and work and work and try to make sure that people love and accept me. I try to be funny and entertaining and supportive and empathetic and charismatic and talented and I'm really good at making it appear as if I have my crap together. Because I want people to like me. To accept me. To trust me. To love me. Is that so bad?

As I look at Jesus and read about His life I discover that he wanted those things too. Jesus wanted to be liked, and accepted and trusted and loved and He still does today. In fact the entire premise of the Gospel hinges on the idea that we love, accept and trust Jesus. So I have to conclude that my longing for that same love and acceptance is okay. It's okay that I want, desperately, for people to admire and love me for who I am. It's also okay that you want that. Now, before you get all agitated with me for making assumptions about YOUR insecurity and need to be loved lets just be honest here. You are human and therefore I CAN make that assumption.

You see, I believe we were created by God. I don't presume to know His methods or understand how it all happened or worked but I believe with everything in me that God, in some way, created the universe and then us. I also believe that when God created us, He created us in His image. This means we were instilled with the same thoughts and feelings as Him. It means that we have been wired to share some of the attributed of our Creator. It's like He signed us as a painter would his masterpiece. And so when I look and see that our Creator has a need and longing to be loved and accepted then it is easy for me to see why we, His masterpiece that bears His signature, also have those same needs. The difference between God and us however, is how we handle or desire for love.

I look at the life of Jesus and see it as God's way of literally stepping into our shoes. In Jesus, God takes away our ability say, "But You don't know how it feels." because He DOES know. And in reality, He always has known but we needed the extra evidence of Him actually becoming human. But as I examine Jesus' life and I see that He had the same need for love and acceptance as me, I also find that HIS need for those things manifested in much different ways. Jesus responds to the human condition not by hoarding love but by giving it out generously.

It's as if Jesus is showing us that we are misunderstanding our own need for love. That we have tainted our original design. That our need for love isn't that we receive it as much as it is that we give it away. And that through the acts of giving our love and acceptance to others, it will somehow find it's way back to us. Jesus was NOT like me. He was NOT a people-pleaser. His energies weren't spent so much on being loved and accepted but rather, on loving and accepting others recklessly. I wonder what it would be like if I did this. How much good could I do in this world if I took all the time and energy I put into being loved and accepted and, instead, put it into loving and accepting others? This is what Jesus SHOWS me I can do. This is why Jesus died willingly rather than fighting it. To show us that real love will go the whole way. Real love isn't the kind you long to receive, but the kind you long to give. And I want to start loving like that.

-Letters To Myself Part 3: Dear 40 Year Old John-

Dear 40 Year Old John, (March 30, 2018)

I wonder about you a lot. It seems sometimes that I'll never actually be where you are but I know that it's inevitable. Time always seems to move slower when you're looking forward than it does when you're looking back. So no matter how far off you "seem" to be, I know that, baring some accident that takes my life, I will, quite literally, be in your shoes. And so I wonder about you.

What are you doing? Are you still an associate level pastor? Did you make the jump to a Lead Pastor role yet? Are you even in a pastoral position at all? Have you written a book yet? There are so many things I wish you could tell me about the plans and vision I have today for my life tomorrow. Am I living a life of significance? Am I helping change the world by changing lives one at a time? Am I being the inspiration that I want to be that pushes others to make a difference too? What have I done right? I have so many insecurities about becoming you that it is overwhelming sometimes. If I could just talk to you. Listen to you. Get your advice. Sadly, I don't think it would change much would it? I'd still have all my insecurities. I'd still wonder about the man I am becoming. Even if I could talk to you, I'd still be me. And if being me isn't good enough without talking to you, then neither will it be good enough if I could. So maybe the best I can do is to take the steps now to ensure that just being me IS good enough. And maybe by the time I'm you, I'll be proud of the man I am becoming.

What kind of friend are you John? Do people trust you? And if they do, do you really deserve their trust? Do you put your own agenda aside for others? Do you make people feel loved and valued and important? Or have you given up that pursuit? I fear that a lot. That over time I'll slip back into being the critical cynic that I have fought so hard to subdue. He's always there you know. Wanting to come pouring out me and point out all of the the flaws of everyone and everything around me. But I don't want to be him. He pretends to love people but refuses to accept them for the wonderful and amazing people that they ALREADY are. I hate him. Have you overcome him? Have you finally beaten him out of existence? I hope so. Because people mean too much to be ridiculed and judged into believing they aren't good enough. But you're probably still fighting him off too. Like I said: he's always there. I hope you haven't become him again. I pray we are pushing him farther and father from us. I don't want to become him again. So I'll keep fighting for people. To love them. To accept them. To welcome them the way Jesus did and still does. And maybe, by the time I'm you, he'll be gone.

What about your family John? Are you good enough for Krissy yet? Do you deserve her yet? Probably not. Even if you have grown as much as I hope you have since you were me, you'll have a long way to go. She's always been out of your league though. You know that as well as I do. But I hope we've never stopped trying to be the man she deserves us to be. And what about your kids? Felicia turns 15 in a few months from where you are. That means boys re alive and kickin' in her life and that hormones are a daily part of life. Have you taught her to have high standards? Have you treated her in such a way that she will always expect the best from any guy that comes in her field of vision? Does she know by the way that you treat her and her mother that she should expect nothing less than someone who would lay down his life for her? Have you made her feel valuable and loved and respected? Because that's what I want for my little girl. I hope you've done your job with her. And likewise, what have you demonstrated to Ian? Have you acted like the man you hope he becomes? A man of strength and patience and love and responsibility. Have you taught him self-control? Have you given him confidence in who God has made him to be? I hope you have taken your responsibility to him seriously. And I hope you can still make them all laugh and smile and help them to love life. But there is no way for me to know what you do. So, I'll love my family in real, tangible, expressible ways now. And maybe, by the time I'm you, they will know how much they fill my life with joy.

So I guess it doesn't matter what you would say to me does it John? Because it's up to me to take the right steps and do the right things here... now... today. And then to wake up tomorrow and chose to do it again. And you simply can't help me do that. I have to do it. It's up to me to make sure that you turn out to be the man I hope you are. So today I make a promise to you John. I'll try. With everything that is in me I will try to make the choices today that will ensure you become the best man you can be. I can't promise perfection. I'll most certainly make some bad, wrong and even selfish choices. But I promise that I'll try. And maybe, just maybe, by the time I'm you, I will have begun to leave my mark upon this world. And it will be a better place because I am in it. Maybe...

Truly,

-John Hall (Age 31)

P.S.

This is the hardest, most deeply personal thing I've ever written. I hope it means as much to you as is has to me. God speed John. Never forget the man you hope to one day be and never stop trying to become him.

-Letters To Myself Part 2: Dear 25 Year Old John-

Dear 25 Year Old John (March 30, 2003),

It doesn't seem like that long that I was you, but so much is going to happen to you over the next few years that you won't know how you managed to navigate through it all. You will mature more over the next five or so years than you did in the previous 15 combined. So buckle up and put your helmet on because life isn't the "roller coaster" it's been made out to be, it's more like the bumper cars.

You got married about a year and a half ago and that has worked out quite well for you hasn't it? But you're still learning to be unselfish aren't you? It's not easy but you're finally starting now to understand that in marriage you can't think in terms of "me" but always in terms of "we." Continue to cultivate this attitude. It will be invaluable to the success of your marriage. You've also set some good ground rules with Krissy that will serve you well for the upcoming years. The "veto" rule was good. Giving your spouse the power to tell you you're not allowed to do something and knowing that they have given you that same authority shows a tremendous amount of trust and respect. You were also wise to agree to never let an argument cause you to spend the night under different roofs. These simple things have proven to strengthen your marriage like nothing else could. You love and respect and trust Krissy and she does the same for you. This will only continue to grow over the years causing you two to become closer than you knew was possible and you will have the ability to talk about anything without fear. Ultimately, you will realize that what you were suspicious of all along is, in fact, true: she is way too good for you. Fortunately, for you, she loves you anyway.

You're also just a few months away from being a father for the first time. Now, I won't ruin it by telling you if it's a boy or a girl but I want to prepare for a few things. Holding your child for the first time is going to wreak havoc on your equilibrium. Never will you feel so important yet so insignificant at the same time. Nothing will inspire you to be the best you can possibly be like this event will. You fell in love with Krissy over time. You got to know her. You got to know about her. You interacted with her and came to appreciate her personality and uniqueness and it has grown into a deep sense of love and devotion that could never be replaced. But it happened over time. When you hold your child for the first time, all of that love an devotion is going to come crashing down on you in a matter of nanoseconds. You WILL be overwhelmed by it. But even as i type this i know my words aren't even a fraction adequate enough to prepare you. So, good luck. As for the actual birth part, you're about to see Krissy in a whole new way that will simply add to your knowledge of how amazing she is.

Professionally John, you've got a long way to go. You're still cocky and think you know it all. But an off the cuff comment from Billy Phipps is going to snap you back into focus. He won't know it when he says it because he wasn't even really talking to you or even about you; but will be a ginormous, (that word will be added to the dictionary in 2008), wake-up call and you will never forget that moment. Right now you are learning to always be learning and that is good. But in a few years a book recommendation, (once again Billy Phipps will play a major role), will altar how you see the church, the world, people, politics, ministry, and relationships. It will set you on a path of learning and growth that take you to new heights and help you combine your intellect with your spirituality. This step is a major turning point for you.

Introspectively you will really start to come into your own. You will be filled with ideas and dreams and visions for amazing things. When you don't make them all real it will be taxing for you. It will even hurt. But you will press on and find more and more creativity hiding just beneath the surface. It's there for the taking but there will be obstacles in finding it. Pride and self-centeredness will always be a struggle for you. You will have to come to terms with this or you will never be able to grow. This won't be easy for you but I hope that in the long run, growth will be more important to you than always being right. Keep learning and keep loving because if you don't there will be no reason to keep living. You're becoming a grown-up now John. It's time to put away childish things. There is more to you than your sarcastic fun-loving exterior. There is depth. There is the ability to affect people on a deeply personal and spiritual level. Dig deep John. Find it. Bring it out. Make a difference. It's up to you.

Truly,

-John Hall (age 31)

P.S.

I didn't mention your trips to the Philippines and Fiji that will shatter your life into a million pieces. You will see things that will rock your world. They will bring you to tears and to your knees. Breathe in these experiences. They will help you understand your role in this world.

-Reverse Theology-

There is this method of motivating people that I think I probably first heard about in an episode of The Brady Bunch or some other old sit-com. The idea is that you deceive another person to believe that the results that you want to happen are actually the opposite of your real desired results. This type of approach is called "reverse psychology" and I'm quite sure you've heard the term before. For some reason this came to mind the other day as I was reading the passage in the Bible that can be heard in about 86% of all weddings. 1st Corinthians 13.

  

As i came to this chapter, which describes what love is, isn't, does, and doesn't do, I began to try to look deeper. I mean, I've read and heard this passage countless times but I knew there was still more to draw out of it. That's when the reverse psychology concept hit me. I thought to myself, what if I looked at the opposite of all the things this chapter says about love to draw out a more specific understanding of it? What if i employed a system of what I am calling; "Reverse Theology?" (By the way, I don't believe for a second that I am the first person to use that term so please don't send me comments about how I stole someone else's idea. Besides, in ministry there is no such thing as plagiarism.) What could I learn about love that way? Lets see shall we?

If "Love is patient" then we can also assume that it is not in a hurry. It doesn't need everything RIGHT NOW. This may be a great thing for single girls and guys to remember when they're in a relationship, (especially girls). If the person you are with is not being patient then you have to wonder how much they really "love" you. Love is not in a hurry.

 

If "love is kind" then we can also assume that it is not mean. I realize this sounds elementary but it's true. Love does not mistreat others. It doesn't dehumanize people either. Doctors are taught to detach themselves from their patients to avoid emotional involvement. This is a cold approach that love doesn't take. Love is kind and values people and life.

 

If love "does not envy" then we can also assume that it celebrates the fortune of others. That means when someone else gets the promotion instead of you, love celebrates their achievement. It doesn't mean you're not disappointed, but it means you don't target your disappointment at someone else. Love is happy when good things happen for anybody. Even when it's not us.

If love "does not boast" then we can also assume that it remains humble even when it has reason not to. So when you DO get the promotion, love takes the responsibility seriously and doesn't talk about how much it deserved it. When good things and blessings come, love quietly accepts it with gratitude.

 

If love"is not proud" then we can also assume that it doesn't need accolades and credit for every accomplishment. Ronald Reagan said it well, "There is no limit on what a man can accomplish if he doesn't care who gets credit for it." Love doesn't seek credit, rather it seeks to pass credit on to others.

 

If love "is not rude" then we can also assume that it is polite. Love says things like, "please" and "thank you." And especially things like, "after you" and "please take MY seat." It's not always easy, but love is polite and has manners.

 

If love "is not self-seeking" then we can also assume that it is generous. Love gives more than it takes. In fact love doesn't even take, it accepts when it is offered something freely. Love is willing do without so that others don't have to. Love is generous.

 

If love "is not easily angered" then we can also assume that it keeps a level head. Love realizes that other people are not perfect and makes allowances for that just as James instructs us to. Love has a looooong temper. Not something that is easy to have.

 

If love "keeps no record of wrongs" then we can also assume that it does keep a record of "rights." Love remember the good that others do. Love learns from the positive contributions people make and helps them learn from their mistakes. Love doesn't allow itself to become bitter.

If "love does not delight in evil" then we can also assume that it mourns it. Love sees injustice and hurts with those that are suffering. Love feels sorrow and grief when it sees senseless acts of ambition at the expense of others.

 

If love "rejoices in the truth" then we can also assume that doesn't keep the truth hidden. Love seeks truth in everything it sees and when it finds it, love celebrates it and shares it without prejudice. Love cannot keep the truth under a rock. It understands that truth exists for all people everywhere.

 

If love "always protects" then we can also assume that it never lets other be exploited or taken advantage of. Love is moved to action by the suffering of others. Love protects the image of God that all people were created in and recognizes that no one life is more valuable than any other.

 

If love "always trusts" then we can also assume that it is not suspicious. Love doesn't look for reasons to accuse people of wrong-doing. Love takes things as they are not wondering what someone might be up to. Love believes in others and works to bring the best out in them rather than assuming the worst about them.

 

If love "always hopes" then we can also assume that it isn't pessimistic. Love always hopes for the best instead of assuming the worst. Love recognizes that as long as there is a tomorrow things can be better and works to make it happen.

 

If love "always perseveres" then we can also assume that it never gives up.  Love does not end. Love has no expiration date. When love is abused is still loves. When love is taken for granted, it still loves. Love is willing to go all the way to the end, even if that end is on a cross.

 

So there's my exploration of 1st Corinthians 13:4-7 using "reverse theology." It was a good experience for me so i thought I'd pass it on. I hope you got something out of it. I'd love to know what you think I missed. Surely I didn't cover it all so please, comment and tell what else we can assume about love from reading this passage. I hope you'll try some "reverse theology" next time you come across a passage that it could apply to.

-Love In A Bag-

Later this morning five other people and I will be leaving to attend a conference. We live in Fresno, CA and the conference is in Orange County, CA which gives is a four hour drive to get there. I usually am not a big fan of long drives. Something about being stuck in car just bothers me. Oddly, I also hate stopping when I'm on a long drive. I hate being stuck in the car but I also hate getting out until I've arrived at my destination. I'm such a hypocrite. But this morning when I came into the office, (where we'll be leaving from later), I was given several bags of snacks and drinks to help us through the long drive ahead.

Judy, (my Pastor's wife), was the one who made sure to provided us with the "road grub" for no reason than that she wanted to do something small to help us have a good trip. It was like getting love in a bag. Maybe you have a person or two in your life who are like Judy. People who somehow always manage to find small ways to make your day smoother, your burden easier and your life better. Whether it's a quick encouraging text, (something my wife has a PhD in), or a cold drink hand delivered, it just seems to make us smile even for just a second. This is what Mother Theresa meant when she said, "We can do no great things, only small things with great love." It's funny; the little things always seem to make us feel more loved than the big things do.

Jesus knew this too. Sure He did some big things for people. Huge really. But it was always the little things that had such a great impact on individuals. Zacheus whole life was restored and changed because Jesus simply had a meal with him. The woman at the well was given new life because the humble Jewish rabbi simply sat and talked to her over a drink of water. These small, simple and seemingly insignificant acts meant the world to these people and their lives were revolutionized because of it. It makes me wonder how many people I know who's life could improve if someone, (like me), would just sit down and have a meal with them.

It's strange really. How important the little things are. How impactful they are. A bag of snacks and a six-pack of Dr Pepper has me sitting here pondering what little things I can do for others too. Join me won't you? Lets make people's days just a little bit better one small act done with great love at a time. Lets send those texts. Lets deliver those cold drinks. Lets do someone else's chores. Lets pick a flower or two. Lets bake some cookies Lets share a meal. Lets do the little things. Because the little things always seem to make us feel more loved than the big things.

-Perpetual Infection of Siblings Syndrome-

My one year old son, Ian, has been sick this week.  It's the first time he has really thrown up so he has no clue what's going on.  The odd thing is that he doesn't have a fever and he's acting totally normal except for the whole horking up chinks of food thing.  Then there's the joy of the obligatory parental clean of the chunks.  Yeah, not exciting stuff.  But if you have multiple kids, you know what I mean when I say there is an even greater concern when one gets sick.  It's called PISS, Perpetual Infection of Siblings Syndrome.  It's a real disease with doctors and drugs and everything.

OK so maybe it's not but it does actually happen so we will treat it like it is.  The general rule of PISS is that one sibling will pass it on to another and they will continue to pass it back and forth for what seems like forever.  The more kids you have, the longer PISS generally lasts.  there is also no real form of prevention.  It's like swimming in a public pool...there's just no way to keep the PISS off of you.  Often times PISS is followed by Chronic Release to Adult Parents or CRAP for short.  If this happens, there is an 87% chance that at least one person in your home will be sick for 10.7 consecutive months.  And don't even get me started on what happens if you have pets.

Krissy and I are currently trying to minimize the effect of PISS and CRAP in out home and scientists are hard at work trying to find a prevention measure.  But until that glorious day finally arrives the rule is simple:  When one of us is sick, we're all sick.  I think this is how it's supposed to be though.

We have a bad habit, as Christians, of alienating other Christians when they have made mistakes and allowed temptation to get the best of them.  People who were once considered close friends are all of the sudden ostracized because they slept with their boyfriend, got caught looking at internet porn, are struggling with alcoholism, or voted for a democrat.  Why do we do this?  Why is it that when these people need the love and support of Christ the most, His representatives, Christians, shun them like they're the Antichrist?  Even an elementary reading of the Gospels would conclude that this is not how Jesus acted or intended us to act.

Christians, every one of us together, are described in the New Testament as "the Body of Christ."  In alienating and ostracizing other Christians we are effectively amputating a part of the body that isn't even infected yet; just wounded.  If I get pneumonia I don't rip my lungs out of my chest because they're making me feel bad.  I devote my energy into helping them heal so that my whole body can function properly once again.  I think this is what Jesus had in mind.

I think He put us here and connected us together as a family of faith.  he gave us a new commandment that we love one another.  He actually used the word commandment not suggestion.  I know it sounds strange, but as a family of faith I think the PISS and CRAP rules apply.  When one of us is sick, we're all sick.  And we should spend our energy helping heal the illness rather than trying to just pull it out of our chest.

P.S.

When I stated that Christians ostracize people for "voting for a democrat" I, in no way, meant to indicate that there is something wrong with democrats who Christians who vote democrat.  I was simply pointing out that many Christians get all worked up over the republican/democrat debate and believe, for whatever reason, that the republicans actually care about the causes of Christ and that democrats worship Satan.  Both perceptions are absurd.

-Tweet Me A Life Lesson-

On my way in this morning my phone beeped alerting me that I had just received a text message. Being the irresponsible driver that I am, I grabbed my phone and diverted my attention from the road in front of me to the small 1.5’ by 2.5’ screen on my LG Voyager phone. I feel like I should have a “Don’t text and drive” disclaimer at this point but really, would anyone care what I have to say on this subject? Especially after just confessing to do it myself. I will say that if you’re in California, texting and driving will be illegal come January so there you go. Anyway, on with the story.

The text was actually a “tweet”; that is to say it was an update from someone I’m following on twitter. The tweet came via a good friend and mentor of mine named Billy, (yes, the same Billy I mentioned in last week’s post); indicating that today, October 15, 2008 is his and his wife’s 20th wedding anniversary. 20 years is a long time. Some of you reading this may not even have been alive for 20 years yet so you know what I mean. To be cohabitating, loving, being loved by, learning, raising kids, paying bills, cleaning, working, and growing with someone for 20 years is pretty impressive I think. It makes my seven years of marriage seem quite minimal but based on my seven years, (not a single one of which I would trade in or change), I can say with confidence that going 20 takes a lot of love, patience, understanding, compromise and most importantly…arguing. Because you can’t live with someone for 20 years without having a few yelling matches. What fun would that be? So how have my friend Billy and his awesome wife Annie managed to do it? He once told me about their marriage philosophy which I will share with you. At least, what I took from it.

Most people probably view marriage as a 50/50 type of an arrangement. It’s a “give and take” philosophy about knowing when to give and knowing when to take at the right times as to make both of you relatively satisfied that you are getting as much out of the marriage relationship as you are giving to it. In short, the idea is to give 50% of the time and take 50% and both of you will break even in the end. On the surface this seems like a great arrangement. A simple and logical, mathematical formula ensuring the “contentness” of all parties involved. The problem is that relationships, especially marriage relationships, are anything but simple, logical and mathematical. They are messy and abstract without fixed lines and permanent definitions. Knowing this, Billy and Annie have developed a different formula.

Billy once told me that in his marriage they do their best to apply not a 50/50 type of philosophy, but a 100/100 one. The idea is that if they are giving 100% of themselves to their spouse and their spouse is giving 100% to them, it becomes a win-win scenario. This made such a huge impact on me because Billy and I had this conversation shortly before my wife and I married. Now, when we talked about it, it just seemed to flow naturally out of the conversation we were having. But as I look back to that conversation knowing what I now know about Billy, I think that he was steering the conversation in that direction intentionally to help set me up to have a healthy marriage.

I loved this philosophy from the word “go” and Krissy and I have done our best to use it in our own marriage. Sometimes we’re successful, sometimes we’re not. I have also found this idea to be a manifestation of how the Apostle Paul describes the marriage relationship in 1st Corinthians 7:4. He writes, “The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.” Billy and Annie give 100% of themselves to one another because they realize that they belong to each other and not just themselves. I think this is beautiful.

But today, as I read Billy’s tweet and marveled at how awesome it is to see two people love each other so much for so long a time, I began to expand their philosophy beyond marriage and ask myself a few questions. What if I gave 100% of myself to my children too? What if I gave 100% of myself to my friends? My co-workers? My neighbors? My Bankers? My grocery store clerks? My waitresses? My fellow commuters? What if I gave 100% of myself to my fellow human beings everywhere? What would that look like? Is that what Jesus had in mind when he said, “Love one another. As I have loved you so you must love one another.”?

What if I could do that? And what if I could, by doing it, inspire others to give 100% of themselves as well? What would that look like? Imagine. What would that look like? I think it would be beautiful.


P.S.

Thanks Billy. You continue to challenge me toward greatness without even trying or know that you’re doing it. People like you don’t come around often and I’m glad God put me in your flight path.